After a while, the math problem no longer makes sense. The numbers blur and it seems unsolvable. At which point, the options seem limited to: push through, wait it out, or walk away. This is how I feel about dating. I can never figure out, much less replicate, why some things worked and others didn’t….
Category: Relationships
Thoughts and Readings on Being in a Healthy Relationship
Ethical Monogamy
ENM. I’m not sure what it might stand for in other circles and contexts, but in the context of dating and relationships, it stands for ethically non-monogamous. It’s an umbrella term that describes several non-traditional relationship lifestyles (polyamory, swinging, open relationships, casual sex). There’s some debate over using the word ethical (and probably the word…
Why I keep Looking in the Fridge
There are a lot of reasons I chose to move to San Francisco. I wanted better weather – I was really beginning to hate winters in State College. I wanted better job opportunities – there are only a handful of cities with a lot of nonprofit jobs (New York, DC, Philadelphia, Portland, Seattle, San Francisco,…
Every Chance I Get
This morning I woke to a slight epiphany, or more accurately, I gave consideration to more potential evidence that what we dislike in others are sometimes the things we dislike in ourselves. The sequence of thinking went as follows (with lots of room for error because who really knows how the mind works, and it…
New Beginnings Can Be Overwhelming
Having arrived in San Francisco yesterday, I felt a strange sense of pride well up inside me. I sat at a park near the water looking out at the Golden Gate Bridge and had this “I made it. I’m here.” sensation. I walked with a little more bounce in my step, and having been here…
Advice to a Friend (and Also to Myself)
Twice this week, I spoke with a friend who wanted my opinion on a marital issue. I’ve been told I’m good at that stuff: providing sage, honest, and tender relationship advice. I try to remind people that I’m single (as in not very successful in this domain) and maybe not as wise as they think….
In the Company of Others
On this trip around the country, I’ve met up with a few people through dating apps. It’s a good way to meet locals and it can break up the monotony of sitting at bars and staring at screens. Despite trying to live as though I have all of the time in the world (my minor…
Where Joy Has Been Rumored to Appear
The person on Twitter had quoted Vonnegut: “I want to stand as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all kinds of things you can’t see from the center.” Whenever I come across this quote, I’m reminded of Stephen Dunn’s essay on gambling in which he…
Sleepless Diagnostics
It’s 3:30 am on a Monday. I don’t sleep well on Sunday nights. In fact, I don’t do well with Sundays in general. Often, they give me feeling of heaviness. If I’m lucky, I’ll spend part of my Sunday morning reading or slowly drinking my coffee, but quite often, I get into a mood where…
Surrender
Last week I surrendered my dog to the shelter where I adopted him. It was difficult. It was heartbreaking. I changed my mind about it a dozen times on the ten-minute drive over to the shelter. At times, I briefly imagined some future cartoonish jailbreak… One in which I bust in to the shelter armed…
A River of Contemplation and Comparison
For all of my talk about being present, and nonduality, and trying to understand (and practice) the basic concepts of Buddhism… for all of the podcasts that I listen to about mindfulness and acceptance… I can be pretty bad at putting it into practice. In certain aspects of life, I’m pretty bad at remaining unattached….
Smoky Mountain Lemonade
Facebook “memories” reminded me that on this day six years ago, I hiked 15 or 16 miles in the Smoky Mountains. I was down in Tennessee on a long, somewhat spur of the moment road trip that I took to clear my head. I was calling it my blues, brews, and bbq trip. I spent…