Indifference…. we sometimes deploy it as a defense mechanism. We sometimes use it as a cudgel. Because it can be used in these ways, it seems important to be able to distinguish between real indifference and manufactured indifference. As a defense mechanism, feigned indifference – saying one doesn’t care – means they can’t be disappointed,…
Category: Love
Love Lessons from the Gottmans
It’s cuffing season – “that magical time of year during the colder, winter months when people are more compelled to start relationships. It usually runs from late fall, through winter and up until the warmer days of spring and early summer.” Oddly, almost all of my significant relationships started in the frolicking days of summer….
Final Days: A Few Steps Closer to Home
Songs and smells can sometimes yank you back and sometimes subtly glide and guide you through the thin fog of memory to other places and times… distant shores of past lives. For my father, every time he hears “Hey Nineteen” by Steely Dan, he mentions Fort Devens and his time in the Army. I suspect…
Writing and Love: Let the Children Play
I often feel a little off, guilty, and/or embarrassed after sharing something confessional and personal. That audience thing nags at me… I ask myself: am I ok, by which I mean comfortable, with other people knowing these things about me? Family, co-workers, friends? The answer is almost always no, I’m not comfortable with any of…
Beach Day in the Afterlife
I spent this past weekend at the beach. I love being near the ocean. I like walking near water. I think differently when I’m near the water. It was a nice, but all too short, getaway. I snapped a decent picture on Sunday morning before the beach was crowded – when the only people on…
Chemistry and Stars
The text conversation began … “I wanted to match with you first and tell you that your first date description gave me a little bit of the goosebumps because it’s been a while since I’ve had that kind of a first date.” Over the July 4th holiday weekend we went out. We had a good…
Wasting Their Sweetness (and Resenting It)
Expectations are resentments under construction. -Anne Lamott A few weeks ago, I sent a few poems off to a friend for some feedback. I’m not sure why. In my mind, I feel like I’m at a crossroads of sorts. I don’t really need someone to tell me to keep at it, but I kinda want…
Speak to Me Wild and Precious
Attention without feeling is only a report. -Mary Oliver I wanted more and I didn’t know how to get it. -Joy Harjo I found another new-to-me podcast: On Being. It too, is about how to live a purposeful life. Among the episodes I’ve listened to have been interviews with the poets Mary Oliver, Joy Harjo,…
Dismissive, Independent, Avoidant Johnny and Sometimes Anxious Sue
I want to write about a guy I used to know. We sometimes ran into each other at one of the bars I frequented. We would talk or share stories. I wouldn’t say we were friends, but we were friendly. In fact, I think if we ever got to talking politics, I suspect we wouldn’t…
Work, Passion, and the Monkey Mind
If I could choose those things over which I obsess or focus, I’d like them to be things that make me smile… things that bring me joy… things that make me understand better what it means to be human. A counter to that way of thinking is to smile at more things, find joy in…
Some Words of Encouragement
My daughter has started to volunteer, fundraise, and advocate on behalf of the Alzheimer’s Association. It’s a cause she cares about and one that has touched her personally. I’m proud of her for doing this. I’m proud of her for taking those first awkward steps into public speaking. I’m proud of her for sticking with…
Skirting the Surface
Yesterday was tough. For a good part of the day, I had this empty, sinking feeling. It felt worse than the usual Sunday/Monday work anxiety… which shouldn’t have been much of an issue because I have the day off today (though I have a few work things I need to do). The day started off…