This morning, when the high school friend texted, “Hey matt” I knew word of my friend Tim’s passing had gotten out. Tim’s wife had shared a short note and a few pictures on Facebook. Then came a group text through Facebook messenger. Then another friend from high school texted and eventually called. My daughter saw…
Category: Love
Gutted
A piece of my grainy, sepia-toned, scraped knees, and grass-stained childhood died today (June 6, 2024). One of my best friends, Tim (he’s on the right and I’m on the left) passed away this morning. I saw the missed call from his wife (I was brushing my teeth). I went back to the bathroom. I…
Sluggish Hearts and Swagger: A Breaking Through?
Sunday I wrote. Yesterday I wrote. I wrote a lot. The blog post about the sluggishness of the heart was one of the many attempts I’ve made to stare down the multi-headed and complicated beast of unrequited love, generosity, poetry, waiting, and urgency. It was an admission and a surrender; a breaking down and a…
When Absence Makes the Heart Grow Sluggish
The body widens, and people are welcomed
into it, many at a time. This must be
what happens when we learn to be generous
when we’re not in love, or otherwise charmed.
-Stephen Dunn, “The Snowmass Cycle”
Feelin’ All the Feels
A little past one o’clock on a Sunday when the clouds were clearing out from yesterday’s storm, I sat on one of my usual benches by the Bay – my usual notebook, book of poetry, and thermos of coffee by my side. Within a minute of sitting down, the bride walked from the parking lot…
Love and All Its Deceits
“But sometimes lies are tangled with love.” That was a line in a lecture by the poet Patricia Smith – a lecture I didn’t, but might, read. It’s a simple and effective statement. It carries with it the weight of wisdom and truth. Without context, it might even be described as triggering. Without context, it…
Two Poems, a Burglar, an Archeologist, and an Examination that Spun Wildly Out of Control
There are moments when my thinking is either too fast or too multifaceted for me to catch up with it or wrestle it to the ground. In this type of sense-making process, it feels like a masked and comical burglar ran off with my brain in a satchel and I’m giving chase. In those moments,…
Ethical Monogamy
ENM. I’m not sure what it might stand for in other circles and contexts, but in the context of dating and relationships, it stands for ethically non-monogamous. It’s an umbrella term that describes several non-traditional relationship lifestyles (polyamory, swinging, open relationships, casual sex). There’s some debate over using the word ethical (and probably the word…
Advice to a Friend (and Also to Myself)
Twice this week, I spoke with a friend who wanted my opinion on a marital issue. I’ve been told I’m good at that stuff: providing sage, honest, and tender relationship advice. I try to remind people that I’m single (as in not very successful in this domain) and maybe not as wise as they think….
Two Weeks Gone
It’s been two weeks since I surrendered my dog. I’ve checked the shelter’s website – no takers yet. They renamed him Dumbo which I think is an unfortunate choice. In his bio they say he’s best in a household with teens or older. Naming him after a Disney character seems to send mixed signals about…
Surrender
Last week I surrendered my dog to the shelter where I adopted him. It was difficult. It was heartbreaking. I changed my mind about it a dozen times on the ten-minute drive over to the shelter. At times, I briefly imagined some future cartoonish jailbreak… One in which I bust in to the shelter armed…
A River of Contemplation and Comparison
For all of my talk about being present, and nonduality, and trying to understand (and practice) the basic concepts of Buddhism… for all of the podcasts that I listen to about mindfulness and acceptance… I can be pretty bad at putting it into practice. In certain aspects of life, I’m pretty bad at remaining unattached….