I used to have ideas. I haven’t had a good idea in a long time. I stole that sentiment from a spoken word song by Morphine, “My Brain” My whole brain was out of tuneMy whole brain was out of tuneI don’t know how to tune a brain, do you?Went into a brain shopThey said…
Category: Life
June 16, 2018
Four years ago I went on a first date that ended up changing the course of what I consider to be my second adult life. I suppose if I take a butterfly effect view of life, I could argue that I’ve gone on lots of first dates that changed the course of my life –…
Fool on the Hill
The other day, driving and listening (because that’s what I do), I was wondering, almost wishing, I could get my father to listen to some of these podcasts about introspection and the internal self. I don’t think he would do it. I started to think of it as a potential mission – to maybe save…
Save the Cats
The piece of papery trash swirling under the car in front of me emerged from the shadow of the undercarriage. A black and white kitten stumbled and spun, stumbled and spun. I swerved to the right to avoid hitting it. I straddled it between my tires and quickly passed over it. In my rear view…
3 Days, a Lot of Words, and Little Progress
June 7: It’s not quite 6 am as I start this. I’ve spent the last twenty minutes noodling around with two ideas. One was an imagined conversation with a therapist in which I’m told to be kinder to myself. It’s filled with phrases like, “give yourself permission” and “start using could instead of should.” I…
A Bucket Full of Knots
Say you promise to be at your desk in the evenings, from seven to nine. It waits, it watches. If you are reliably there, it begins to show itself – soon it begins to arrive when you do. But if you are only there sometimes and are frequently late or inattentive, it will appear fleetingly,…
Lost and Found
I am embarrassingly late to the podcast craze. Enough so that I think it may have peaked and started to fizzle a few years ago. I hadn’t ever listened to one until a few months ago when I started listening to Hidden Brain. I don’t know, I think I felt somewhat above them – a…
This Is America
6:03 am I’m frustrated. Yesterday morning I wrote the bulk of a post that I posted a few minutes ago. It’s about choice and compromise and “we over me.” It wasn’t very clear or good, and is quite inconsequential – much of what I write is. I had planned to finish the post after work….
Choice, Autonomy, the Self, and Others
I had a dream that I kept waking from and coming back to – or at least I felt like I kept coming back to. I was involved with someone. I couldn’t picture her, so it wasn’t anyone specific. She wanted to have cosmetic surgery (not corrective, per se) and I was stuck between wanting…
The Great, Big World Calls
Tonight felt larger than most. I drove out to a sunset bar – ok, maybe not exactly that poetic, but it was outside and the weather was divine. I sat above a small stretch of lawn lined with tables and Adirondack chairs and a brook with silvering rapids. I read some poetry and wrote. I…
Speak to Me Wild and Precious
Attention without feeling is only a report. -Mary Oliver I wanted more and I didn’t know how to get it. -Joy Harjo I found another new-to-me podcast: On Being. It too, is about how to live a purposeful life. Among the episodes I’ve listened to have been interviews with the poets Mary Oliver, Joy Harjo,…
Birdsong in the Morning
A wall of gray clouds advances like a column of soldiers on parade marching down the wide boulevard of sky. It’s been threatening to rain the way summer days threaten rain. The dog was good on our morning walk. He ignored other dogs, and even walked closely by a rabbit and didn’t try to chase….