I can recall an exchange, with whom I’m not quite sure, maybe a date or an acquaintance who also happened to be a therapist, in which I said, “sometimes, I worry that I’m a narcissist.” Her response (I’m pretty sure it was a woman and probably a date) was, “narcissists don’t worry about being narcissists,…
Category: Dear Diary
Seeking? But Kinda Not Really
“Just because I love it, doesn’t mean it’s going to work.” This was the reminder I wrote for myself one Saturday as I walked around a beer fest on a gorgeous sunlit day. The expansive lawn where the festival took place had a sweeping view of the Bay. Everyone seemed happy. Sunshine, beautiful views, live…
Tuesday Malaise, Thicker than Mayonnaise
Spinning and ruminating. Despite a string of great days, that’s what I’ve been doing with some of my free time. I’ve also gone out and explored the city and gone on walks and had job interviews. I went to a beer festival on Saturday. I have three interviews this week. And this past Sunday night,…
Woo Woo
(Originally written 9/10/2022 8:29 am) A year and a half ago (or so) I adopted a pit bull mix. He’s handsome and strong and a royal pain in the ass. Shortly after adopting him, I noticed some behavioral issues. He liked me, but didn’t trust me. He’d growl and snarl. He’d guard his toys and…
Adonis, Jolene, and Jealousy
Walking home from the grocery store I passed a man. He was tall, had wavy dark hair, fit, well put together, and attractive. He stood on the grass by the sidewalk having a conversation on his phone. He spoke with confidence. I kinda hated this man. I mean not really, but I absolutely felt a…
Flirting with Clown Hats On
I’m bad at flirting. Or maybe I’m good at it, I honestly don’t know. At best, my approach seems to be one in which I try to be funny for my own sake and if the other person likes what I said or wrote, cool. The funny section of my dating profile is the response…
Sluggish Hearts and Swagger: A Breaking Through?
Sunday I wrote. Yesterday I wrote. I wrote a lot. The blog post about the sluggishness of the heart was one of the many attempts I’ve made to stare down the multi-headed and complicated beast of unrequited love, generosity, poetry, waiting, and urgency. It was an admission and a surrender; a breaking down and a…
Joy, Exploration, Growth, and Judgment
One of my favorite things to do here, in a growing list of favorite things to do here, is walk (and sit, and read, and watch and write). I walk to the beach, I walk to the park, I walk to the bay, to the wharf, to the Ferry Building, to the Italian neighborhood, to…
Pay Attention to What Now?
Late last night, just before bed, I nearly broke my brain. The tweet from the poet Rasha Abdulhadi read, “Right now, in this moment, you can’t fake where your heart is. Pay attention to that.” Based on other tweets, I believe Abdulhadi was talking about where one’s heart is in relation to current global politics,…
Rainy Day Blues
The morning rain slants against the living room window. Seagulls fly above the houses arcing and floating in the blustery wind. Ever since listening to an interview with the philosopher-poet David Whyte, I’ve been turning over in my mind this coin of an idea that we’re all dancing towards our own disappearance. Last night I…
Let’s Grab a Beer and Talk about our Day
The psyche knows these seasons. The mind and heart know the ache of April. Two or three nights ago I dreamed I saw an ex (the one that lives out here). She was getting on a crowded elevator. I was already standing in the back of the elevator. She was clenched-teeth pissed at me and…
Writing This Is Boring
This morning I woke up early-ish. Not when my alarm went off, but shortly after. Honestly, I’m not sure I set my alarm. I’m trying to re-establish routines and habits that will facilitate writing or reading or whatever. This is me trying to be a bit more serious about my “craft” and also trying not…