The Zebra plant I bought and thought I killed has made a comeback. It’s green leaves glow in the morning sun. The sky is clear and blue and I’ve curled up on the edge of the sofa where the sun is the brightest. I’m listening to an old jazz album, Whims of Chambers. Steam rises…
Category: Dear Diary
Bumps in the Road
Yesterday the email came. I wanted to write to you personally… appreciate your interest… competitive applicant pool… My heart sank a bit. On my laptop, I had a few tabs open to other job postings. I wanted to get back on that horse and start applying again. I was chastising myself for letting up on…
Mending and Moral Masochism
The morning sky is bright but gray. The sun tries to peak through the drifting clouds. It’s going to rain (maybe). It’s been raining (maybe). Because of the hills and the ocean and the bay and the mountains, the Bay Area’s weather is predictably unpredictable. Yesterday, as I sat by Crissy Field Beach (the beach…
Shaken, Tumbled, Poured Out, and Stirred
It’s a little before 1am and I’ve just gotten home from the neighborhood bar where my intention was to stop in for one drink. A regular at the bar bought me a drink and then the bartender bought me a drink and well… it’s 1am and I’ve just gotten home from the neighborhood bar. Tonight…
Looking for Shared Enthusiasm
On Sunday, I talked with family and friends (mom and dad and a friend from State College). The common theme across all three conversations was that while it’s only been a few months and I still need to find a job, I love it out here. At times, I’ve wanted to analyze the sensation. I’ve…
Smile Journal
While not intended to be a resolution, I’ve been keeping a smile journal since the beginning of the year. My hope is to deliberately notice those moments when I catch myself smiling at something. There are a fair number of neuroscience and psychology studies that indicate smiling is good for us. For a brief history…
Grumbling to Myself as I Look for the Reset Button
My last few runs have been painful. I’m not sure how to describe the pain – it’s a burning tightness type of pain. I’ve felt a similar pain at the beginning of runs, but that’s usually just my body getting warmed up and stretching out. That pain usually goes away between half-a-mile and a mile…
Seeking to Go Beyond the Self
Yesterday, I wrote about people who live in the past – or at least that’s what I think I was writing about. The ones who look back to when they were a better version of themself or when “they coulda been a contender.” I think we all have those moments – moments when we felt…
Dealin’ in the Past
Listening to a song by Michael Kiwanuka, I was struck by the line “dealing in the past.” That line spurred a train of thought that’s poked at me for a few days. It’s had me playing with the idea of card games (dealing) and how gamblers talk about their one big win, or will talk…
Even on a Slow Day
Yesterday was another day in which the list of things that made me smile was as thin as the gruel served in Oliver Twist. It was gray and rainy and by the end of the day it was a struggle to name three things that made me smile: the painting I own of a speckled…
Promise Ring
Moments of mixed emotions can be fertile ground for attempts at self-discovery and understanding – attempts that, for me, often fall short and look like little more than a chasing my tail / running in circles type of tomfoolery. Let the tomfoolery begin… When I was in high school I dated a Catholic school girl…
Just Another Day in the Bay Area
The morning sun peeks through the spaces between the waxy-green leaves of the magnolia tree outside my window. I’ve been reading poetry again – which means I’m feeling contemplative and observant. By 8:30, I’ve already had my breakfast of bacon, eggs, and pancakes. I can no longer decide how I would like to spend my…