I had, for the most part, cut out my Tuesday night bar night. But yesterday, Tuesday, I got some disappointing and unexpected news: a job that I was told I was the clear front-runner for went to someone else. That seemed like a good enough reason to stop for a pint. A guy I hang…
Category: Dear Diary
Sleepless Diagnostics
It’s 3:30 am on a Monday. I don’t sleep well on Sunday nights. In fact, I don’t do well with Sundays in general. Often, they give me feeling of heaviness. If I’m lucky, I’ll spend part of my Sunday morning reading or slowly drinking my coffee, but quite often, I get into a mood where…
Surrender
Last week I surrendered my dog to the shelter where I adopted him. It was difficult. It was heartbreaking. I changed my mind about it a dozen times on the ten-minute drive over to the shelter. At times, I briefly imagined some future cartoonish jailbreak… One in which I bust in to the shelter armed…
He’s a Good Dog
Permanent. That’s the word that stands out. Or was it permanently? I don’t know exactly what words preceded it, surrender, give her up to Paws. Then the woman on the phone said something like bring any toys or blankets or anything to make her feel comfortable. I don’t correct the woman on the phone about…
July 4: The Best Year Yet
It’s July 4. I grilled a burger. I sat on the deck and drank a beer. That’s as close to the traditional July 4 celebration as I got this year. By 9pm, I was tired, bored, and ready for bed. As I get older, I care less and less for this holiday. The fireworks, while…
Weekend Paralysis
Some weekends hit harder than others. This has been one of those harder-hitting weekends. It started on Saturday. It being a general malaise, a heaviness of spirit, a defeated and deflated feeling towards an overwhelming (yet small and inconsequential) world. When it hits, I feel it in the slump of my shoulders. I feel it…
Like Butter
I buy the same brand, and size, of “butter” every time. I buy the 45 oz. tub of Country Crock. Two pounds and thirteen ounces. I put butter in quotes because technically it’s a plant-based spread. There isn’t any particular reason I get this brand – it’s just what I’ve done for years. I suppose…
Swimming Uphill
If anyone wants to know how it’s going, I’m pretty sure I word vomited the phrase “swimming uphill” during a job interview tonight. I’m also pretty sure I may have sounded as coherent as a certain former president when I tried to explain my affinity for the arts (I was interviewing for an arts based…
How the Thoughts Progress
It’s Sunday and I’ve been up since 5:30 am. I didn’t sleep well. I woke up every hour or two throughout the night. When I get up, I make a pot of coffee. I make two waffles. I watch the sky lighten. I write about watching the sky. I read a poem or two. I…
Sunday with the Poets
Yesterday I bought two new books of poetry. That and hanging out at bars are two of my guilty pleasures – especially when I have few other distractions. I say guilty because I could use the money for other things. I say guilty because I could use the time for other things. Not too long…
Two Minutes and Seven Seconds of Meditation
Just now, I tried a five-minute guided meditation. I stopped two minutes and seven seconds into it to write about the less-than-successful attempt. Unlike a lot of people I’ve talked to, I usually don’t have a problem clearing my mind. I suspect that had I sat down, set a timer and just gone at it,…
The Early Hours
“Thank god for TikTok and its endless stream of content. Without it, I would have nothing but time.” -Tano Rubio It’s 4 am. It’s that time of day (night/morning) when one can almost sink into the quiet like deep folds in a blanket – a time when one can almost feel the slow stretch of…