It took a few minutes for the feeling to go away. My chest was tight. My breathing was irregular and quick and shallow. The song playing in my head was Milky Chance’s version of Tainted Love. She had casually mentioned that another guy had gone down on her this past summer. They were just foolin’…
Category: Dear Diary
Not a Valentine’s Post
I feel like I should write something… it’s been a while and I feel guilty – sorta. I thought about writing another Valentine’s Day post, but this one from a year ago still holds up. I’ve also wanted to write about the absolute stuck in the pit of despair feeling I had over the weekend,…
Not Quite Stir-Crazy
I had a meeting on Tuesday afternoon to discuss our organization’s retirement plan. Reviewing retirement plans, healthcare plans, and tracking a few dozen different vendors (cleaning service, entryway carpets, copier maintenance, auditors, insurance, etc. etc. etc) are the less than glamorous aspects of running an organization. On Wednesday, I attended a summit of network CEOs…
A Tale of Two Sundays
Sundays are the worst. Maybe not all Sundays, but enough of them. And maybe not all of Sunday, but parts of it. I know, I know – for someone who is trying to be more mindful and practice things like gratitude, I’m doing a pretty shitty job of it with statements like Sundays are the…
The All-New, 2022…
This past Monday I had car trouble. My old-ish car with 180k miles on it nearly stalled in the middle of an intersection. By the afternoon the problem had been fixed (for free because it was related to a recent repair) but in the process of checking things out, another problem was discovered. The shop…
January 6: One Year Later
One year ago, on this day, I paused from my work, put on the television and began watching the news. I was curious to see how the certification of the election would go. Earlier that morning I had seen some news pieces about protesters gathering in Washington. There were pictures of them giving the middle…
Tiny Victories
Despite the constant laments about not having time for this or that, writing or exercise, or quiet observation, I sometimes have to acknowledge those moments of success when time and I seem to get along. I was up early this morning. I awoke breathing short and fast from a dream in which I drove a…
Not Exactly Languishing
It’s New Year’s Eve. The sun has been trying to break through for most of the day – a day that started off gray, damp, and foggy and is now only partly gray and damp (and that’s just my mood… say nothing of the weather). The dog has been following me around from room to…
Languishing
That’s how my friend Mike described my life. He turned to me at the bar after I had been complaining about pretty much everything – the traffic, the cold, the lack of social opportunities, the dog, and what feels like an inability (despite trying pretty hard) to get anything accomplished professionally – and he said,…
Christmas 2021
It’s Christmas morning. I’m back in Philadelphia, but will be driving back to State College in a few hours. It’s another Christmas that doesn’t quite feel like Christmas. I didn’t decorate my place – mostly because I wasn’t going to be there and partially because I figured the dog might pee on the tree if…
Poetry, Books, and Broccoli
I have a few hundred books. Most of them sit packed away in boxes downstairs in a room I seldom visit. I have a nice bookshelf made from a repurposed door. That’s where the unpacked books stand mostly at attention, snug and shoulder to shoulder: poetry, books on Buddhism or relationships, a few novels and…
I Like That
It’s Sunday morning slow and I like that. Down the street someone is using a leaf blower. On the sofa opposite me, the dog is breathing heavy but not quite snoring. I’m sitting by a lamp, wearing a gray winter hat that was given to me as a gift a few years ago. I’m fighting…