Scrolling through abandoned drafts, I came across this: This morning I was up early. I had set the alarm for 5am. I woke up a little after 4, briefly considered getting up, then decided to maximize those last 4o minutes with sleep – which felt good but not good enough. I didn’t want to be…
Category: Dear Diary
February – Trying to Do Better
January, that month in which people resolve to be better… that month in which people cleanse their bodies of alcohol, and start working out, and make lots of promises, was, for me, a lost month. I was sick twice – or maybe it was just once with two bouts. I barely exercised. I spent way…
In Search of a Good Beginning
Is my attention on loving,
or is my attention on
who isn’t loving me?
-From “Wellness Check” by Andrea Gibson
Sometimes, I have to remind myself to refocus my attention. The fragment from Gibson’s poem helps with that. Sometimes, I have to remind myself to loosen my ego’s grip on…
This Time, Things Will Be Different
When I deleted my account/dating profile in early January and restarted it two or three weeks later, I was looking for a reset. I had told myself, “this time, I’m going to be more deliberate, more intentional.” For over a year, I had let my profile grow cluttered and weedy with likes and connections that…
San Francisco, 1999
Sometime in 1999, perhaps it was August or September, maybe as early as July, I took a trip with my father to the west coast. We came to San Francisco. I know the rough time period because in July of ’99 I met the woman who I eventually married, and I remember this trip taking…
Eff Off Big Tech
Yesterday, Google Maps renamed the Gulf of Mexico to the Gulf of America. My understanding is that the change primarily affects users in America. Users in Mexico will see Gulf of Mexico, and the rest of the world will see both names. For shits and giggles, I wrote a review of the Gulf of America…
A Helpful Tip – Let It Go
Last week, my friend took one of his friends out for dinner. They went to a nice and well-known place in the neighborhood. It’s probably one of the fancier restaurants on the street – they’re said to have a great braised short rib. Almost every night since his dinner, he’s grumbled about paying a lot…
Sometimes, the Creepy Algorithms Kinda Work
The other night, for no reason other than my typical doom-scrolling and being unable to fall asleep, I checked one of my social media accounts – an account I seldom check. I had received a follow from a woman I went on a date with two years ago when I visited San Francisco. We had…
It’s Not Getting Any Easier
Tuesday morning. I read the lines, “It’s not getting any easier, / not with these picture hooks / hammered through the walls of my heart,” (from the poem “My Life” by Dobby Gibson). I pause and reflect. I want to make the lines my own. There’s something about how memory lingers in the mind and…
Complications with Oral Hygiene
I should probably buy a new toothbrush. I tend to use mine until it’s splayed, flattened, and soft. This task, buying a new toothbrush, should be as easy as picking it up at the grocery store on one of my weekly or more than weekly trips. Except… I’m pretty sure everything in the aisle with…
Thanks Void, Sorry for Screaming
Politically and emotionally, it’s been a dark week / week-and-a-half. I suspect that’s the point of the new administration: create in groups and out groups and demoralize, terrorize, and exhaust the out groups. Part of their strategy to ram through their agenda, regardless of how unpopular it may be, is to cause so much disruption…
A Man Walks Into a Bar
Not long ago I found myself in one of those conversations where I just didn’t like the other person. Not only did I struggle to find common ground with him, but I had trouble finding any redeeming qualities in him. Our conversation started out innocently enough. We’ve seen each other at the bar a few…