At midnight, I showed my bartender the time on my phone and quietly said “it’s midnight, bitches. Birthday time.” He replied, “you sneaky bitch,” walked over to the light switch and flicked on the Christmas lights that line the bar’s ceiling and rafters. Someone put 50 Cent’s song “In Da Club” on the juke box… “Go Shawty, it’s yer birthday…” Another person brought over three different slices of cake, each with a lit candle – the tiramisu slice was fantastic. Nearly every one gave me a pat on the back or a hug, and a few people came over to share with me how much they appreciate me being in the neighborhood and being in their circle of friends – not just a bar friend, but the person everyone knows they can talk to. While it was never my intention when I started going to my local pub, I’ve become the unofficial bar therapist, friend to newbies and tourists, and San Francisco enthusiast. Among my unofficial duties are: ask people’s names so that the bartenders can better remember them, bring empty glasses back on my return trip from the bathroom, and serve as a buffer between talkative customers and busy bartenders. Now if only I could get paid for it.
Generally speaking, I’m a reserved person. I don’t like to be the center of attention, and I treat compliments the way a second grader treats cooties. When people tell mt that I’m open and welcoming or kind, I rebuff by saying, I’m only trying to return the favor. It’s not meant as false modesty, I genuinely mean it. I’ve been fortunate to have wandered around a bit and always found a sense of camaraderie and place at watering holes and in my community, from Bucks County and Philly to Memphis to State College to San Francisco. When I told one of my friends that I’ve been fortunate to have been welcomed in to several different communities over the years, she suggested that I should probably take more credit for that than I currently do. That maybe I’m the beneficiary of what I put out into the world. It was very kind of her to say that.
I wasn’t expecting the impromptu birthday party which made it all the more wonderful. People bought me shots, one friend picked up my tab, and at the end of the night the bartender came out from behind the bar to give me hug and send me on my way, “we love you, man.” That generosity of spirit has continued throughout the day today. I awoke to text messages and received emails from friends and family wishing me a happy birthday. One friend sent a voice text in which she sang her version of the birthday song – she does this every year. I have yet to check Facebook, but I know two of my elementary school teachers reached out, and I’m sure I have a few thank yous to send.
Usually, I don’t make much of birthdays. Sometimes, I’ll look at them as a way to re-center or re-focus (much like New Year’s). Sometimes I might treat myself to a nice meal or an outing. This year, I kept things simple – stayed home most of the day, read a little, and let the sentiments and well-wishes wash over me. I’m not sure what the next year has in store nor how much I wish to try to influence it. What I know is that I have good people in my corner, and for that I’m extremely grateful.