The woman in Tent City, perhaps inebriated, quickly latched on to my vibe, my road trip, and my approach to life. She’d tell me that I seem to “get it” more than most people or that I have a calming presence. I hear these things a lot from the people I meet. She asked if I was familiar with the teachings of Abraham-Hicks. With the words slightly slurred, I couldn’t make out the Hicks part of what she said and assumed it was something religious. With equal parts skepticism and avoidance (because I assumed it was religious), I squirmed a little and said I wasn’t familiar. She urged me to read The Law of Attraction. I’ve since looked it up, and it’s looking more spiritual than dogmatically religious.
She was taken with how my trip seems to be aligned with this notion of like-minded people finding like-minded people, this notion that what we put out into world comes back to us, this notion of manifesting what we desire. I’ve also heard these things a lot, especially from people who believe our paths were meant to cross and/or people who wish to reassure me that everything is going to work out for me (they’re often one and the same). At times, I’ve tried to explain that I’m practicing ridding myself of desire and/or expectations (a practice that has many missteps and fumbles). It’s difficult to explain (without seeming contrarian) that I’m trying to not concern myself with whether life may or may not work out. What I tend to suggest is that things will happen or they won’t and there seems to be little value or purpose in trying to control it, manipulate it, or interpret it (at least in the big-picture scheme of things). This counterpoint is my small departure from this notion of manifestation/attraction (we get what we will into the world)…
And perhaps I’m a tad cynical, but when I push myself, I tend to believe that what we’re seeing when we cross paths with like-minded individuals is less about the law of attraction and more about confirmation bias and selection bias. I’m not sure that we’re getting back what we put into the world, but might, instead, be priming ourselves to be receptive to seeing/finding evidence that the universe is (or isn’t) on our side. It’s not that negative people attract negativity or positive people attract positivity (exclusively), but that those dynamics are probably equally influenced by one’s world view. Negative people often fail to see the positive (which doesn’t mean it’s not there) and conversely positive people tend to not dwell on the negative (despite its ubiquitous presence).
All of that said, I can’t claim to know how the cosmos works much less the depths of the human mind and soul. There may be something to these concepts of energy fields and karma and attraction that can’t be explained. I’ve had more than my share of “coincidences” that seem a little like destiny. In those experiences, it becomes a little easier to believe in fate. I only partially count the various dating encounters among those “destiny” moments. I have a very intentional profile that attracts what I’m looking for (free spirits who have cozied up with their personal history and work to understand, mitigate, and integrate their insecurities and neurosis)… But even then, I’m surprised by how natural, open, and effortless some of the connections seem to be.
As for the everyday connections, they’re a little harder to explain. I think there are quite a few people who are looking for someone like me who can articulate what they’re sensing and feeling – who makes it a little more ok to embrace uncertainty. I think there are people who need and want to hear that life’s fuck ups deserve graceful do-overs and that the highs and lows will come and go, but if we’re patient and attentive we might glimpse the very spark of the firmament in the everyday – take it all in with equal measure, patience, and gratitude.
Down in Tent City at blues festival in Arkansas I was first greeted by a stranger who said “welcome home,” and I was quickly accepted into a tribe of open-hearted folks who share a desire for the betterment of humanity. We got along and happily shared our time together around campfires at night, long after the music had died down. They, too, told me I had a good vibe and in the case of the woman who wanted me to read Abraham-Hicks, she said I had a way of lifting people up and helping them feel seen and heard. I’m flattered by such compliments and I can only attribute any skill I have in this domain to a few years of getting comfortable with my own struggles, finding my own balance, and trying to bring peace, joy, and grace into my own life. I may view with skepticism this law of attraction stuff, but I do believe that inner contentment has a way of radiating out to others.
Here in Memphis, “coincidence” struck when a woman walked into the bar where I was sitting and sat two stools away from me. She had been walking around for half an hour trying to figure out where to eat and had checked the place out three different times. After a few minutes, she asked if she’d be causing trouble if she rooted for the 49ers over the Cowboys. I said I was from Philly, so there’s no trouble with me, but Memphis has a lot of Cowboys fans. We talked and I shared some of my story about the road trip and coming back to Memphis and probably moving to the Bay Area. She too was visiting and I gave her some tips on where to go and shared some of what I like about the city (sunsets over the Mississippi, the river walk, Earnestine & Hazel’s, etc.). She had spent a few days in Nashville, will drive back up to Nashville after Memphis, and then on to Chicago – after which, she’ll fly back home to (of all places) the Bay Area. She took a video call in which she kept telling her friend how lucky she was to pick the right bar and meet up with a semi-local who is looking to move to the Bay Area… what are the chances? She gave me her card and urged me to be in touch when I settle in.
What are the chances?