It’s been two weeks since I surrendered my dog. I’ve checked the shelter’s website – no takers yet. They renamed him Dumbo which I think is an unfortunate choice. In his bio they say he’s best in a household with teens or older. Naming him after a Disney character seems to send mixed signals about him and young kids – and not in that ironic or funny way (like renaming him princess or petunia would). They say he’s become a volunteer favorite. They probably say that about all the dogs, but I’d like to believe it’s true. Because they left in the part about him being reactive to other dogs, I’m guessing they’ve seen and experienced what I had experienced on our walks.
I miss having him around. I know I’ll adjust – it’s only been two weeks. I worry that he’s not getting enough attention or that he’s sad. Seeing pictures of him tugged on my heart strings. Though I shouldn’t be, I’m always a little surprised when that happens – the cats, the dog, women I’ve dated… pictures remind me of the good times and why I enjoyed having that person or pet in my life. Pictures (and usually the eyes) often release this internal sense of fondness as if my soul says “awwww.” This only reaffirms my belief that when we genuinely love someone or something, we always have a soft spot for them.
More than anything, I’m surprised by how much the dog’s routines had imprinted on me. I still expect him to greet me when I walk in the door or wake up in the morning. I’m very tempted to go on short walks in the neighborhood at about the same time twice a day. I still expect to see him sitting patiently outside of the kitchen when I get food from the fridge. I’m pretty sure he trained me as much as I trained him. There’s a physical memory to his absence.
As part of my cleaning out I have some things to drop off at the shelter: a dog crate, two cat carriers, some toys and pet supplies. The last bag of dog food I bought qualified me for a free bag, so I’m going to pick that up and donate it as well. For his sake and my own, I’ll try to do this while they’re closed (they have a drop box for donations). I want and don’t want to see him. The shelter had asked that if I drop things off I avoid coming inside. Just by being in the building he might smell or hear me. And if seeing a picture pushes the awwww sensory button, I can only imagine what sight, sound, touch, and smell would do.