I don’t think I wanna to be enlightened. I admit, it’s hard to “think” my way through a statement like that. And I’m not talking in the “ignorance is bliss” kind of way but in the I think I might reject the idea of enlightenment kind of way. It’s the classic circular argument. Accepting everything as it is means accepting human nature as a state of contradiction (good helps define evil and evil helps define good) – which means accepting my inability to accept everything as it is.
Philanthropy
This thinking began with a job interview, some thoughts about fundraising, and a walk along the river. I had been asked a handful of questions like what makes a good fundraiser, and what might I possess that makes me stand above the competition. My answers to those questions are usually philosophical. They are never rehearsed or regurgitated, and sometimes they are a bit too open and honest. I believe authenticity and the ability to listen make for a good fundraiser. I believe all relationships, including business ones are strongest when they are built on mutual respect, desire for each other’s well-being and success, and honesty, etc. To some degree, if I have to convince you that I’m the best candidate, I’m probably not the best candidate. In the end, we’ll both be less disappointed if we can replace our sales pitches with authentic conversation. We’ll each know if it feels like a good fit. They had also asked me how I related to their mission statement (which I couldn’t remember if it was all that different from other United Ways – it’s not) and they asked me for my 30-second pitch to which I said we connect people who care to people who need care. I wrote my thank you email, and told them that I re-read their mission as well as their statements on equity and to elaborate on my pitch I wrote:
I think we can all agree that each one of us has a role to play in our community. Each one of us has something to contribute – as a parent, as a neighbor, as an employee, as a volunteer, and as a donor. I think we can also agree that on the individual level, we thrive when we have a say in what that role is. At United Way we’re working to connect the dots. We want everyone to have a seat at the table. We want everyone to feel that what they have to offer is valued and deeply appreciated. Let us help you find your place and amplify your gifts. It’s what we do.
After the interview, I quietly packed those questions up and took them with me on a walk. It was a lot of food for thought. Why do I do the type of work that I do? What draws me to this? Honestly, I hate asking people for money. Nobody wants to hear that from a fundraiser that they’re thinking of hiring.
It was windy, the sky was gray, storms were coming in. I have another interview this afternoon. Of the three jobs this week, this is the one I’d like most. The staff all seem to work remotely from different parts of the country – I’d like that. Until I fully settle down, I don’t mind the idea of being geographically independent. The premise of the organization is that they plant seeds of kindness by making micro-grants. They fund projects around the world – but only at $1,000 as a way to get them started. The belief is that empowering regular people (not institutions) to do good things in the world will have a ripple effect. I like this type of thinking. Ever since leaving United Way and then my last job, I’ve been thinking about the role of institutions and how they can inadvertently make the problems worse. There was a time in human history when people kept a spare candle, an empty mattress, some bread, and left a candle lit in the window in case a stranger needed shelter for the night . Once institutions sprang up to take care of that need, people abdicated their kindness for, and responsibility to, their fellow human beings to institutions. A famous line in “A Christmas Carol” is when Scrooge says there are poor houses to take care of the poor. I think anything we can do to democratize giving and kindness and compassion, the better off we’ll be.
Working for an organization like United Way, it was easy to get caught up in “solutions” and data driven decisions and outcomes. I spent a few years preaching that to any and every executive director who would listen. And I still believe in those approaches. But people, and their problems, are messy and can’t always be measured. The emphasis on measuring results and outcomes is the product of a deficit mindset. It stems from the business world belief that we need to do more with less and we have limited resources and therefore have to make wise and prudent investments. I struggle to buy the limited resources argument when we see the disparity in wealth that exists. What we have is limited will power to make major changes in the world economy and a lack of human decency. I tend to keep those thoughts to myself during interviews.
As I walked and watched the whitecaps on the river I worked on a personal philosophy of fundraising – my goal is to connect people to their passions… help them find a seat at the table. We all have something to contribute and sometimes that’s not money or service, sometimes that’s just being a good parent or spouse or neighbor. Ram Daas says we’re all just walking each other home. I’m not a guru or a teacher. And I believe people tend to have the answers within. I think fundraising, to some degree is about helping people connect to those answers. In this regard, I’m not so much a fundraiser, but more like an usher. Can one be a closet Buddhist and also a fundraiser? How does one go about convincing people to give with the foundational belief of accepting people as they are?
Back to Enlightenment
About a mile and a half in to my walk, there was a smell that I can only describe as creosote (pine tar). It smelled like railroad ties baking in the summer heat. I smell this pretty often on my walks. I thought to myself I love the river but not crazy about that smell. I began to chastise myself for the but part of the statement. Why can’t I stop at I love the river? Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of days when it is I love the river. Full stop. Can we express love without comparison without qualifiers and modifiers? Is that enlightenment? Accept the river as it is today, as it will be tomorrow. Is enlightenment perfection? I don’t think I believe in perfection. I don’t strive for what I can’t attain – which becomes its own self-fulfilling prophecy. Is it simply human nature to have a hint of dissatisfaction in nearly everything?
On some level, I know I can’t “think” through these things. Sometimes, when I get caught up in these thought loops, when the contradictions take hold, I start to worry that enlightenment means the absence of feeling. Or perhaps it’s the acceptance of all feeling. It’s kind of like white and black one being the absence of color and the other being all color. To which I can only say yes.
I wrote down a few other notes on my walk, and then decided to run the last few miles. I wanted to get this post written before the next interview. They don’t know it, but a few weeks ago I reached out through Instagram to that celebrity who connected with me on a dating site. I know she’s a vegan and I know she cares about spreading kindness. I sent a simple note saying we had connected and talked about nonprofits – she should check this one out. It was just me trying to connect some dots – usher people to their seats…. I’m expecting this interview to be challenging, but in a good way. They all seem like smart and good people – people who are more worldly and thoughtful than I am – people who are better at being pure of heart and mind in their pursuit of kindness than I am. I suppose that’s why I’d like to work with them. They seem like good company to keep.