Tiger got to hunt,
-Kurt Vonnegut, Cat’s Cradle
bird got to fly;
Man got to sit and wonder ‘why, why, why?’
Tiger got to sleep,
bird got to land;
Man got to tell himself he understand.
Can we know the nature of man or beast? This is a question that I grapple with quite often and on many different levels. I think about it when I try to correct my dog form doing normal dog things. I think about it when I think of the multi-faceted nature of the relationships I’ve had – when one or both of us didn’t show our best selves. I think about it in the poems I read and try to write. I think about it in the world I see. At times, it gets deep and overwhelming.
The Buddhist in me says yes, everything is within our nature – peace, violence, love, and hatred. I don’t know what to do with that, what to do about that. What makes me uncomfortable is my own intolerance – I want to bend the world to my way of thinking. I want to deny our more violent tendencies. But then I recognize that without slipping, how can we possibly find redemption? Stories that lack conflict, have no plot. What on earth would we talk about if everything was hunky-dory all the time?
I listen to the news about Putin amassing troops and I can’t wrap my head around the concept of war. They’ve moved their blood supply near the front. They know people will be maimed and killed and somehow this is an acceptable and calculated risk… for what? How do these people get into power? I listen to the news and hear about the crippling sanctions that will be imposed…. We will hurt and starve your people to force you into compliance. As nations duke it out machismo style, people suffer. I don’t know how to tolerate any of it.
Long history suggests that this is who we are, who we’ve always been. In my little mind (and world), I want something different. Naively, I want my own bubble where the worst of humanity doesn’t exist… or is at least muted. And I know that’s not how this works, because denying the worst of humanity is to deny humanity – and art and also all that is beautiful and good.
Today, I listened to episode three of a podcast that an old friend has produced, “The Control Variable.” It’s an examination of how we, as a nation, got to the point of an attempted coup on January 6. For those who want to draw political lines, it would probably be considered liberal – though I’m willing to bet that the makers of the podcast think of it as a sort of history and sociology project… an attempt at understanding the everyday, regular people who attacked the Capitol. Episode three draws many parallels between Trump’s rhetoric and Hitler’s rhetoric. Trump’s use of the phrase the big lie (a phrase both sides are fighting to claim) was pretty much coined by Hitler. His repetition of words like “hoax” and “fake news” are attempts to undermine truth. His focus on “others” who are trying to steal your freedom and are to blame for your problems are directly out of Hitler’s playbook against the Jews and the liberals. His statements that “I alone can fix it…” also Hitler. Throughout, the podcast examines the psychology and history of mobilizing the masses. In particular, episode three looks at the connection between the Evangelical movement and male militarism. It traces the change that took place after Vietnam from anti-war Christianity to a more pro-war masculine stance. In the political right’s view, long-haired hippies and feminists were weakening America. The podcast then referenced a book, Wild at Heart, which was wildly popular among Evangelicals in the early 2000s. In it, the author posits “deep in his heart, every man longs for a battle to fight, an adventure to live, and a beauty to rescue.” Essentially, for the past few decades, white, male Evangelicals have been pushing a brand of Christian Nationalism in an attempt to reclaim manhood in the image of John Wayne and manly heroes.
And for me, that’s one of my greatest areas of discomfort…. I kinda hate the manly man trope. More specifically I hate the narrow definitions we place around what it means to be masculine or feminine or an American, etc. etc. etc. In the wake of September 11, this type of thinking really took hold. From another popular Evangelical book of the time, “Feminized men don’t walk into burning buildings. But masculine men do. That’s why God created men to be masculine.” And it persists to this day in the form of railing against “wokeness” or bashing anything liberal as being feminine. This is the “fuck your feelings” crowd, and they’ve gotten loud over the past few years. From a twitter post yesterday about the Biden’s getting a cat “Show me a ‘man’ who trades his awesome DOG for a silly, wussy little Pussy CAT, and I will show you a Man who is NOT a MAN!” I see it everywhere. I hear it at bars, I see it on bumper stickers with guns and skulls. I’ve come across more than a few dating profiles that tell wussy libtards to grow a set or something equally aggressive… and the thing is, I never see liberal profiles saying anything more than “if you voted for Trump, we probably won’t get along…” They don’t resort to name-calling and there’s never this need to brag about how firm they are in their convictions. And maybe this is the part that scares me, the people who behave like bullies are the ones with all the guns and they often seem willing to use them because they are so certain in the righteousness of their cause. The insurrectionists were told they need to defend democracy at all costs… and for years they’ve been waiting for that call to action, waiting to show how manly and patriotic they are.
The other part that makes me uncomfortable is that I might think they’re right. I sometimes wonder if men are hard-wired for aggression. Overwhelmingly, and throughout history, men have been the rapists, the pillagers, the plunderers. Men have been the defenders, the protectors, the rescuers… The Heroes… Achilles, Hercules, Gilgamesh, the great Samurai warriors, David who slays Goliath, Beowulf, Leonidas. To be manly is to conquer… and it’s hard to know if that’s a function of genitals or power or both. So is it any surprise that Putin amasses troops or that men start wars? I kinda think we’re messed up. I kinda think the world would be a better place if women ran things – I suspect it might be kinder.
I know this isn’t all of America and I know this isn’t all of humanity… but even in the language we use, we can see our natural inclination towards violence, disorder, and power. We have to fight for justice – as though it’s not a naturally occurring thing. We have to fight for equity and equality, because these things are not freely given or bestowed at birth. And this is when I get exhausted. This is when I want to surround myself with people who think and feel like I do. This is when I want to spend my time looking at and paying attention to everything but the human condition – or at least spend some time in those areas that represent the beauty of the human condition (kindness, good music, wine, food, company, laughter).
Thought provoking as the weekend has been (poems, readings, conversations, and a podcast), today was a day of sitting and wondering, Why? Why? Why?