I shouldn’t feel pressed for time. Yet, I do. I sometimes wonder how I’m ever going to handle the 9-5 world again. For days, I’ve lamented how little reading and writing I’ve done. For days, I’ve felt like I don’t have anything to write about. Of course, I here a little joker off in the distance whose voice sounds a lot like mine calling out “Have you read your blog? You never had anything to write about.” All I can say is “quiet you, if I wanted disapproving and snarky commentary I’d have reached out to one of my ex-girlfriends.”
Now that I’ve gotten my one-man comedy routine out of the way…
I’ve noticed a strange thing these last few days. Everything feels like work or like it’s something I have to do. My walks, as enjoyable as they are, have felt like things I need to squeeze in. Writing has felt like something I need to do – I’m afraid if I don’t, I’ll quickly lose momentum and just stop altogether. Tonight, I sat on the sofa for about twenty minutes trying to decide if I should go for a walk, sit and write, prepare for my interviews, look for jobs, bid on more freelance projects… Twenty minutes paralyzed by indecision.
The debate about a walk was that I know I should do it for fitness (for the first time since my early days of college, I’m under 160 pounds). I also feel like I should do it because it’s supposed to rain the next three days and I won’t get outside much. But in the back of my mind, I felt myself fighting the “I should do it.” I decided against it. I poured a beer and came out on the balcony to write. Though if I’m being honest, I’m not terribly happy about that choice either (it’s the whole I have nothing to say thing).
I think looking for freelance work is to blame for this unsettled feeling. I’ve bid on close to twenty jobs. I have one maybe and no other responses. I have no idea if I’m doing this right or committing some faux pas in my bids. Some days I suspect the gigs are all fake and it’s just an elaborate way to get me (and a bunch of other suckers) to spend fifteen cents to buy tokens and bid on more work we won’t get. For one or two of the jobs, by the time I wrote my note to say “hey, I’d love to work on this…” they’ve already conducted an interview. I refresh the page often. Most of the gigs, I’m a marginal fit for. I don’t have proper SEO training or keyword writing skills. But for some of the jobs, I should be a contender. I bid on one to help a nonprofit work on their mission statement and about us page – these are things that I’m more than qualified to do. I haven’t tracked how much time I’ve spent reading about projects and bidding on them. Given that I haven’t gotten any work yet, it’s a pretty ugly return on investment.
I spent the better part of my day looking for jobs, and applying to one or two. I applied for an Executive Director position at a homelessness organization out in Gilroy, California. Gilroy is best known for their garlic festival – or at least that’s what I’ve read. I also applied to head up community impact for the United Way in Racine, Wisconsin. Both are small-ish towns near bigger cities. Racine is right on the lake between Milwaukee and Chicago – they even have a beach. It’ll be cold there. Gilroy is inland, south of San Jose. It’ll be warmer and it’s about 40 minutes to an hour from the coast. This is how the small concessions on geography get made. I like Memphis enough to stay. It’s hard to know about these other places. And then there are entire sections of the country that I’m avoiding (Oklahoma, Nebraska, Indiana, etc.)
I’m not sure if this post was worth skipping a walk… though it just started pouring and there will be no sunset. I really should be more respectful of my readers’ time. I did warn you in the title. To try to make up for it, here are some sunsets from the past few days.
7/28/20 
7/28/20 
7/27/20