A number of years ago when I was transitioning out of working with at-risk youth (high school kids who were in jeopardy of failing school and in some cases failing out of school) and in to anti-poverty work, I took a training called Bridges Out of Poverty. It was one of the better trainings I’ve taken. In it, we talked about how here in the US we have a middle-class / middle-economic bureaucratic system trying to serve people in economic distress. It expects people in poverty to play by middle class rules. The thing is, just like I can’t imagine playing by, or even knowing the rules of the billionaire class, it’s difficult for people in poverty to play by the rules of the middle class. Being poor causes stress. A lot of stress. Long-term toxic stress releases cortisol which eventually impacts the brain creating a heightened fight, freeze, flee response among other things. Additionally, people in poverty tend not to tell stories in a straight-forward manner, yet our social workers, and the forms they need to complete, require straight-forward answers. People in poverty become accustomed to not being trusted, they get used to explaining and over-explaining their circumstances. And we require them to retell their story (job loss, parking tickets, abusive relationships, etc.) every step of the way. It is a system not particularly well-designed for the people it intends to serve.
I’m not in poverty, but I am unemployed. For the past few months, I’ve been selective in my job search. Yet, I always have a nagging voice telling me to suck it up and take any old job. This is the pressure our rags to riches, overcome odds and adversity American narrative puts on us. We are a nation of people who are nothing if we are not resilient. We’ve walked uphill both ways in the snow without shoes. I’m keenly aware that trying to find the right balance between earning a paycheck and pursuing my interests and my career is a privilege.
I mention all of this because last week I got my notification telling me that I qualify for unemployment. It’s enough to cover my rent and maybe my groceries. This week, I’m feeling the psychological relief of having a safety net. More important than the actual money is the relief in knowing I have a bit more freedom in both time and choice. From that security and safety comes a willingness to take risks. While not a permanent solution, unemployment stops the bleeding. Unemployment makes me feel like I can continue to look for the job that I’ll be good at and happy with as opposed to the job I can do and will give me a paycheck. Unfortunately, this is something people in poverty rarely experience – freedom of choice, time, thought, opportunity.
I was thinking I would tie this in with general relationship psychology. Whether at work , in a friendship, in a parent-child relationship, or in a romantic relationship, we wall seem to thrive when we feel secure and have a sense of trust. Unfortunately, I’m tired and maybe a bit lazy… but also a bit relieved. I’ll try to write more tomorrow.