No matter how loud our voices may get, all arguments begin with silence. I never did get back to the post I was working on yesterday morning. In the various arguments that I have with myself, or ex-friends, or the world at large, or my ex-fiancee, but mostly with myself…. I had punched myself out….
A CYCLE OF DOUBT AND DEFENSE
I’ve had a post percolating since yesterday afternoon. Just before, or maybe after dinner I wrote: Here we go… yet another dive in to personal psychology. There is, for me, some value in it. For one, I like to think about the chain of events and thoughts that lead down a path. I also think…
GOING ALL IN
Half way done my second cup of coffee – though like the weather, it’s cool and a little unappealing, I opted for the sofa and blanket and book this morning. I’m feeling unkempt and a little unruly… which for me is still pretty tame compared to most. When I started this book of essays, “Walking…
A CONVERGENCE OF SUBJECT AND SELF
In paying attention to mood and self and allowing myself the freedom to drift about, I allow myself to be a little proud of miniature battles hard fought and won. In plain language, I could have easily let the night slip away in to surfing the net, swiping profiles, lamenting circumstances, or any other number…
WRITING AND SLOW REVELATION
I seldom get through reading a few poems, or an essay without wanting to hop on my computer and write something. Similarly, I seldom write something without wanting to take it all back or revise it or clarify. I’m thankful that the collection of essays I’m reading seems to support this behavior, this back and…
DON’T WRITE IN THAT
I started a post this morning as a follow up to my second post from yesterday…. I may publish it, I may shelve it. It was not what I had come in from the balcony to write. I actually wanted to write about writing in books… something I never do. This is that post. This…
VALIDATION: IT’S COMPLICATED
Sometime around 5am Nick the cat jumped up on the bed to let me know he needed attention or food or just that it was unacceptable for me to continue sleeping. He’s partially blind, and his claws get caught on everything as he walks. When he comes to wake me up, he stumbles over my…
BREAKFAST (ROUTINE)
I like it. It may be one of my favorite parts of the day. Even living alone, it seems quieter than the rest of the day. Even without the hustle and bustle of a job to prod me forward, it seems more peaceful than the rest of the day. My head isn’t jumbled with a…
HAPPY TO SERVE
Is there such a thing as irreconcilable differences? Is there anything that patience and understanding can’t wait out or help? I’m sure I’ve offered up some sort of an answer to those questions over the course of however many posts there have been. Before I get to that, a brief recap…. I woke up tired…
I WASN’T GOING TO WRITE THIS
After a decent day, one in which I felt fairly present, last night was emotionally mixed. I jotted down the note “these were the unbalanced days that made up the year without balance.” Though balance wasn’t really the word I wanted to use, I wanted to get at the notion of feeling joy in experiencing…
THE ORDER OF DISORDER
One reason I’ve started using a notebook / journal is because I often have trouble keeping my thoughts straight. I don’t think I have some brilliant mind… but, while I try to remain humble, I have gradually fallen in love with the way I think and process… which at times sets off a loop of…