For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.…But…
Starting Over (Maybe)
Today again I am hardly myself.It happens over and over. Mary Oliver “Reckless Poem” After my ramble about music and writing and memory, I spent a few minutes trying to capture with words the colors of snow at midnight – glowing against a cloudy purplish sky as if emitting its own pale light. In what…
A Good Ride
The mountains to the right with small house lights at the base and the cold of evening pressing in made it feel like tonight there were long roads to be traveled – roads that cut their way from here and through other towns and other dark skies – roads that passed people getting home or…
Now I Wait
I slept in until almost 8. It’s sunny but cold this morning. The car is covered in that white salt dust that accumulates while driving through Pennsylvania’s winters. Earlier, I passed a car wash where the line was seven or eight cars deep. I’m sitting in the parking lot at the emergency pet hospital waiting…
Not Ready (Still)
I’m no more ready to lose my buddy that I was yesterday. Despite a trip to the vet, I’m no closer to knowing what the issue is than I was last night. Nick, my cat, is still not eating, still kinda dazed, and now a little stand-offish. I know it was a rough day for…
Not Ready
It’s 11:30 at night – Tuesday. Nick, my cat and occasional fluffy alarm clock didn’t wake me up this morning. He usually gets me up sometime around 5. He’s been unwell lately. He’s not eating as much. Tonight he seems to be sneezing more than usual and seems dazed. I tried to get him to…
Walking with Your Tribe
“If you find yourself having to tiptoe around others you’re not walking with your tribe.”
More of the Same
It’s dark out. I can see the silhouette of a dog against the sliding back door light of the house behind mine. I can’t tell if the dog is waiting to be let in or waiting to be let out. My cat, Nick, is sitting on the floor a few feet away from me. His…
Morning Reverie
For the life of me, I can’t remember what the fight was about. Needing space on one side, needing affirmation on the other. A push and pull until someone ran and someone else gave chase. The things I remember – the gut punch feeling in the morning when she said it was over. The attempts…
And Everything in Between
On Wednesday, January 6th, I woke up early-ish, ate breakfast, and sat down to write. I had read an article about the link between narcissistic mothers and complex PTSD in their daughters/children. I was engaged to a woman who suffered from something close to complex PTSD and had a difficult relationship with her mother. I…
I Get by with a Little Help from My…
For most of my adult life, I’ve never really had that close, everyday type of friendship with someone other than a romantic partner. I joke that I don’t have any friends – but it’s more of an uncomfortable cover-up and slight admission of truth than it is a joke. Way back in high school, I…