I’m not sure how to tie any of this together. Tonight on a group text a friend said he was drinking too much and hated life and was too much of a pussy to end it with a gun in his mouth and hopes his liver gives out. He texted the cry-laughing emoji and wished…
Not Exactly Languishing
It’s New Year’s Eve. The sun has been trying to break through for most of the day – a day that started off gray, damp, and foggy and is now only partly gray and damp (and that’s just my mood… say nothing of the weather). The dog has been following me around from room to…
Languishing
That’s how my friend Mike described my life. He turned to me at the bar after I had been complaining about pretty much everything – the traffic, the cold, the lack of social opportunities, the dog, and what feels like an inability (despite trying pretty hard) to get anything accomplished professionally – and he said,…
Christmas 2021
It’s Christmas morning. I’m back in Philadelphia, but will be driving back to State College in a few hours. It’s another Christmas that doesn’t quite feel like Christmas. I didn’t decorate my place – mostly because I wasn’t going to be there and partially because I figured the dog might pee on the tree if…
Family Gathering(s)
Today, I’m getting together with extended family. I haven’t seen many of them since Christmas of 2018. There was a wedding in 2019 that I skipped. My engagement had just ended, and I couldn’t imagine attending, much less being happy. Then I moved to Memphis. Then the pandemic hit. I’d be lying if I said…
Poetry, Books, and Broccoli
I have a few hundred books. Most of them sit packed away in boxes downstairs in a room I seldom visit. I have a nice bookshelf made from a repurposed door. That’s where the unpacked books stand mostly at attention, snug and shoulder to shoulder: poetry, books on Buddhism or relationships, a few novels and…
Waiting, Patience, Urgency
I probably spend too much time analyzing life: past events, future plans, decisions, relationships, moments in time. I suspect in terms of poetry or creative writing, that habit might serve me well, but in terms of… life? it might be a bit stymieing. I also spend too much time flip-flopping on concepts like duality. No…
I Like That
It’s Sunday morning slow and I like that. Down the street someone is using a leaf blower. On the sofa opposite me, the dog is breathing heavy but not quite snoring. I’m sitting by a lamp, wearing a gray winter hat that was given to me as a gift a few years ago. I’m fighting…
Fart Around
Thursday. It’s a little after 6 am. I’ve already messed up the timing of everything. I overslept and have too many things I want to do or need to do and the clock is ticking away. My mind is backing out my schedule for the morning. I have a 9am zoom. If I do that…
… and Me
Two nights ago I got a work email… My phone buzzed sometime around 7pm. I can’t remember exactly what I was doing at the time, but I decided to read it. It said that the husband of colleague who works at another agency has gotten COVID despite being vaccinated and that he has spent the…
Yes, You
Hey! How’s it going? Just want to say that I’m thinking about you. Or more accurately, if we actually know or knew each other, I’m thinking about you. And guess what? They’re good thoughts. If we were more than just a passing acquaintance, I probably tried to think of something we did together or a…
Seeking Mentors, Taking Steps
It feels strange to be approaching 50 (I have a few years yet) and to want a mentor or a teacher or several. It feels like I should be approaching the age of being a mentor, and yet I know so little about so many things. I’m being vague here – though not intentionally so……