Walking home from the grocery store I passed a man. He was tall, had wavy dark hair, fit, well put together, and attractive. He stood on the grass by the sidewalk having a conversation on his phone. He spoke with confidence. I kinda hated this man. I mean not really, but I absolutely felt a…
Flirting with Clown Hats On
I’m bad at flirting. Or maybe I’m good at it, I honestly don’t know. At best, my approach seems to be one in which I try to be funny for my own sake and if the other person likes what I said or wrote, cool. The funny section of my dating profile is the response…
Sluggish Hearts and Swagger: A Breaking Through?
Sunday I wrote. Yesterday I wrote. I wrote a lot. The blog post about the sluggishness of the heart was one of the many attempts I’ve made to stare down the multi-headed and complicated beast of unrequited love, generosity, poetry, waiting, and urgency. It was an admission and a surrender; a breaking down and a…
Joy, Exploration, Growth, and Judgment
One of my favorite things to do here, in a growing list of favorite things to do here, is walk (and sit, and read, and watch and write). I walk to the beach, I walk to the park, I walk to the bay, to the wharf, to the Ferry Building, to the Italian neighborhood, to…
When Absence Makes the Heart Grow Sluggish
The body widens, and people are welcomed
into it, many at a time. This must be
what happens when we learn to be generous
when we’re not in love, or otherwise charmed.
-Stephen Dunn, “The Snowmass Cycle”
Feelin’ All the Feels
A little past one o’clock on a Sunday when the clouds were clearing out from yesterday’s storm, I sat on one of my usual benches by the Bay – my usual notebook, book of poetry, and thermos of coffee by my side. Within a minute of sitting down, the bride walked from the parking lot…
Pay Attention to What Now?
Late last night, just before bed, I nearly broke my brain. The tweet from the poet Rasha Abdulhadi read, “Right now, in this moment, you can’t fake where your heart is. Pay attention to that.” Based on other tweets, I believe Abdulhadi was talking about where one’s heart is in relation to current global politics,…
Rainy Day Blues
The morning rain slants against the living room window. Seagulls fly above the houses arcing and floating in the blustery wind. Ever since listening to an interview with the philosopher-poet David Whyte, I’ve been turning over in my mind this coin of an idea that we’re all dancing towards our own disappearance. Last night I…
Let’s Grab a Beer and Talk about our Day
The psyche knows these seasons. The mind and heart know the ache of April. Two or three nights ago I dreamed I saw an ex (the one that lives out here). She was getting on a crowded elevator. I was already standing in the back of the elevator. She was clenched-teeth pissed at me and…
Writing This Is Boring
This morning I woke up early-ish. Not when my alarm went off, but shortly after. Honestly, I’m not sure I set my alarm. I’m trying to re-establish routines and habits that will facilitate writing or reading or whatever. This is me trying to be a bit more serious about my “craft” and also trying not…
Welcoming the Rain: A Reminder to Try Softer
A soft rain falls in the morning gray. I’ve been looking forward to this. Yesterday, in anticipation of a rainy day, I bought a large can of whole, peeled tomatoes, some tomato paste, a box of pasta, some pancetta and two packages of meat, along with a long, thin French baguette. This afternoon I’ll slow…
In the Middle of Reading, I Stop to Brush My Teeth
At a section break in an essay on composite poems, and because I had just finished my morning coffee, I stopped reading and got up to brush my teeth. Because I had just finished my coffee, I first took the mug into the kitchen where instead of brushing my teeth (which is why I got…