I feel capable of more. Or maybe I want more. I feel a little stuck. Or maybe lost is the word I’m looking for.
Warning: despite the title, disjointed thinking ahead.
For days (perhaps weeks), I’ve been riding one of my favorite hobby-horses:
Because Why Not?
The firework that exploded nearby (maybe an M80) was one of those deep booming ones that echoes as though the city streets were canyons. The seagulls flitted overhead, their cries sounded confused and panicked. In that moment, I gained a new understanding of ignorance and cruelty. I couldn’t unhear the seagulls’ screams – it was…
Lives and Limitations
On a sun-drenched Saturday, I went to a bbq at a lovely home in Oakland Hills. The back deck had two levels. The bottom level was big enough for three or four dining tables of various sizes and was surrounded by tall redwoods. From the upper level, the view looked westward over parts of Oakland,…
Less Is More
Interviewer: What would you consider to be your greatest weakness?
Interviewee: I think my greatest weakness is honesty.
Interviewer: Hmmm…. you know, I don’t really think of honesty as a weakness.
Interviewee: I don’t give a shit what you think.
Sometimes, maybe often, I’m not very good at putting my best foot forward.
Pieces of a Well-Worn Life
Something about traveling back to the east coast felt like a reset, like a long and slow contemplation mixed with a dozen tiny anxieties and a half-dozen re-examinations. Driving around the suburbs, reminded me of suburban life: gardens and patio sets in the back yards, home ownership, shade trees, and warm summer night concerts on…
Busting Up a Starbucks
This morning, when the high school friend texted, “Hey matt” I knew word of my friend Tim’s passing had gotten out. Tim’s wife had shared a short note and a few pictures on Facebook. Then came a group text through Facebook messenger. Then another friend from high school texted and eventually called. My daughter saw…
Gutted
A piece of my grainy, sepia-toned, scraped knees, and grass-stained childhood died today (June 6, 2024). One of my best friends, Tim (he’s on the right and I’m on the left) passed away this morning. I saw the missed call from his wife (I was brushing my teeth). I went back to the bathroom. I…
Digital Curmudgeon
It’s hard not to feel as though our digital worlds are going to complete shit. A week or two ago, I tried to buy concert tickets through Ticketmaster. I selected my seats – reasonably good seats for $100/per ticket for a show I’d really like to see (Michael Kiwanuka). When I clicked purchase, I got…
Frivolous Pursuits?
It’s 8am. I woke up early. I’ve already finished reading a chapbook of poetry. I’ve already written three or four poems. This is a nice change of pace. Mentally, my wheels are spinning as I’m contemplating my tastes in and talent for poetry. What makes a poem good, or at least good to me? The…
A Cloak of Misery
It wasn’t that he liked being miserable.
He simply had grown used to wearing
a certain face, become comfortable
with his assortment of shrugs and sighs.
“His Music” – Stephen Dunn
It’s been a mixed few days…
A Touch of Euphoria
Near the end of my evening walk, I detour to the “corner bar” that sits in the middle of the block. When I come home, I want to love everyone and everything. I’m stealing that sentiment from the title of a poem “I Come Home Wanting to Touch Everyone” Of course, I come home to…
Stop Following Me
Not long ago, I logged into my healthcare account to see what I needed to do to get a routine check up, an eye exam, and maybe start the process of getting my shoulder looked at. I’ve been putting these things off. Being the optimist that I am, I had expected to be employed by…