On Sunday, I went to an outdoor show with a friend and two of his friends. We drove winding back roads past farms and farming communities. On the way back to town, the sun dipped behind the mountains and cast a soft and beautiful peach and yellow glow. On a weekend overrun with traffic from returning students, getting out of town for a few hours was a nice reminder of what exists outside of this little bubble in the middle of the state.
One of my friend’s friends is an incessant talker. My friend had warned me about this. I can’t say that it was a nervous type of talking – it just didn’t stop. Each sentence blended into the next with very little space in between. Yet, when other people talked, she seemed to listen and didn’t interject or fight to get a word in. Maybe she feels the need to fill in the spaces. For my part, I mostly stared out the window at the scenery – slightly disassociated the way child might press her forehead to the car window to get a better look at the gully that runs along the side of the road and the speed with which the tall grasses seem to pass.
Last night, I met up with a guy that I’ve hung out with a few times. He has a lot of energy and also talks a lot. I don’t always know how to respond to some of his statements. He talks to a lot of strangers. He does this to the point where I almost feel like I need to apologize to them when he leaves. He can be crude and unfiltered. I don’t know what he said to the guy sitting next to him, but the guy got up and moved to the other side of the bar. By comparison, I probably seem slow, reserved, proper, and prudish – which is what I think he likes about me. He had texted me earlier in the day – said we should meet up. He’s leaving on Wednesday to do a 1,000 mile bike ride. He wanted to hang out because he considers me to be one of his spiritual advisors. That comment reminded me of something the talkative woman had said. I was telling her that I’m hoping to volunteer and meet new people on my trip – that I’d like to find pockets of kindness as I travel. She replied, “or maybe you’ll be a Johnny Appleseed spreading bits of kindness.”
I hear these kinds of things (that I’m a spiritual advisor, or easy to talk to, or very compassionate) often enough from strangers, friends, and new acquaintances that I sometimes wonder if I should be doing something more or different with my life. Maybe I should be going back to school to be a counselor. Maybe I should become a life coach – which, given the circumstances, seems ironic. I had a co-worker who would frequently tell me that I had a gift for making people feel safe and getting them to open up. She also viewed me as a type of spiritual guide. Sometimes, I think I’m just slower at processing things which makes me seem like a good listener. Or maybe it’s just that so many people walk through this world feeling as though they’re never heard, and my tendency to talk less creates space for them. I vaguely recall an episode from when I was a child (maybe on a train or something) when a stranger commented on how well-behaved and quiet I was and I replied by saying that “I don’t think I should talk unless I have something important to say.” (Says the guy with a sprawling three or four year blog project).
This feels like the beginning of a short story: a man who is very slow to respond in conversations, maybe even a little dim. His quietness is often confused for wisdom and as people work out their own problems (without him ever saying a word), he’s seen as some savant. I’m pretty sure that comedy has already been written somewhere.
Taking to heart these various comments, I am trying to set some “goals” or objectives for my trip. I’m hoping to lean in to this side of my nature/personality more. I’m hoping to practice being in the moment more – by which I mean practicing active listening when I meet new people and spending more time seeing and being instead of scrolling and fretting. I imagine constantly trying to get my bearings will pose some challenges. I’ll have to be deliberate about not spending all of my time planning for the next thing or the next stop – which is sometimes hard for me (I’m a planner). I think more than anything, I’m looking for opportunities to be quiet and to observe. I’m hoping to let the talkers do their talking and juxtapose the frantic pace of the outside life with a practiced stillness inside.