I took the day off today.
A few months ago, I had thought of taking today off and getting a new tattoo. It’s the same tattoo I was thinking of getting on my 50th birthday, or on the anniversary of when I moved here, or on other anniversaries in years past.
The initial concept from five or six years ago (when I moved away to Memphis) was a two-part tattoo on my chest. The first part was going to be a compass/compass rose with an arrow pointing away and the word “home” written near the top. The second part (to be added later) was going to be at the bottom of the compass rose with an arrow pointing back towards my heart and the word “again.” The concept was that I had navigated away from home, and when I “found” a new sense or definition of home, which at the time I was defining as a new person who felt like home, I would add the second arrow and the word “again.” Home. Again. It seemed sweet.
For one reason or another, I didn’t get the tattoo. Life went on. I moved back to Pennsylvania, took a new job, made new friends, did a deep dive into the duality of self-reliance and being a part of something bigger than the self. Spent a lot of time thinking about home and joy and desire. Then I took a long road trip, moved again.
Over the course of the moves and the years, my philosophy has evolved. Instead of making a promise or homage to some future person who may feel like home, I began to see it as an homage to my own self-discovery or rediscovery or self-reliance. In the new version, it’s no longer a two-part process. In the new version, instead of away and back, my thinking is more circular and fluid… away and back and back again or maybe away again. It’s more centered on the internal journey, or the willingness to get lost and found over and over again. Having developed greater faith in my internal compass, the tattoo would still be the compass rose concept, but with three words and maybe three arrows. Home. Again. At Last. It’s about the realization, one that I’ve been working towards for years, that home contains multitudes. It can be found in community. It can be found in friends, family, and partners. But perhaps most importantly, much of it resides within the self.
I didn’t get the tattoo. I’m not sure if I will. Instead, I dedicated my day to enjoying the city I call home and its never-ending sunshine – exploring and not terribly concerned about which direction I was headed because I already knew the way back.