For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.
-Kahlil Gibran “On Love”
Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.
…
But if in your heart you would seek only love’s peace and love’s pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love’s threshing-floor,
Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.
…
And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
It’s Valentine’s Day. I’ve never been a huge fan of the holiday. More often than not, it seems overly sentimental, fake, and forced. It seems like a day designed for people who don’t find ways to show they care on a regular basis – manifested by the stereotypical guy in the grocery store making a last minute stop for flowers and a card because it’s the one time of year he buys flowers and a card… That doesn’t mean I won’t do the flowers and card thing – of course I will. I just like to do it on days other than Valentine’s Day.
But this isn’t that blog post. Instead, I’m thinking about how we probably have too few days in which we think about, talk about, and much less show, what it means to love another person. Far too often, love feels like an almost taboo subject – or one relegated to sappy poets and flowery or overly-dramatic language. The mere word feels hippy infused, or not serious. For nearly all of human history it has been a major preoccupation of music, art, and the human spirit. Yet, for all of our pursuits of it, I often get the sense, perhaps wrongly, that if people think deeply about love, they don’t often talk about it. When I think about the couples I know, I sometimes wonder – are they in love with each other, how do they show it, do they experience its complications – its highs and lows? Love seems easy to ignore or take for granted or leave untended. And maybe that’s its natural state – something that on most days goes unnoticed.
These past few days (weeks), I’ve struggled to write because I feel out of place. My last post was about possibly starting over or stopping or hitting pause. Last night after wanting to write and re-reading some old posts, I debated with a friend the nature of writing, and art – what meaning does it hold if it’s entirely self-serving? If it’s never shared? I suppose the same could be said of love. Today, after trying to write about this crazy notion of what love is, should be, or could be, I went back to see what I’ve thought or written before. I’ve approached the subject often enough that it has its own category. I probably thought most deeply about it in the months after having lost it. For all of my writing, pining, and pontificating, I’m not sure I’m any closer to understanding it. And as much as I wanted to write about it today from a fresh perspective, I’m not sure I have anything new or different to say that I haven’t already said. At its best, love reveals truths about ourselves that sometimes uplift and sometimes upset. At its best, it encompasses tremendous peace and safety along with moments of terror and pettiness. It seems to be a noble pursuit – one that deserves our attention most, if not every day.
Early this morning, while I was still sleeping, a woman reached out and hired me to write her dating profile. She sent two drafts of what she’s already written. As best as I can tell, she’s sincere and hopeful and she has a clear sense of what she wants – a great start. I don’t charge very much for these projects because I like the idea of helping people get a little more clear on who they are and how they want to be in a relationship. I may not have been able to write much about love in this post, but helping someone else articulate it feels like the perfect project for Valentine’s Day – and if I can figure out how to do it, I’m going to refund her money and do the project for free.