Day one on the new job (yesterday), was tiring. During the morning commute, my transit card wouldn’t scan at the train station. I assumed it was a low fund balance issue – though I couldn’t rule out that it was a Matt is dumb and doesn’t know how to use his transit card issue. Both were equally plausible. I have my card set to autoload funds, but I’ve also used apps (laundry) where it doesn’t work when there’s a low balance. I tried to address this potential issue the night before by manually loading new funds. It wouldn’t load through the app, I had to log in, etc. etc. It sent me a confirmation email saying my new funds should be available within the next five days – or something like that.
The commute home took longer than expected. I was “treated” to three guys doing a dance routine (for money) on the train. Most passengers avoided making eye contact with the dancers and the dancers dedicated their routine for the people who were trying not to watch. Most people just looked tired and dead-eyed. Then, there was a weird glitch on google maps which made it difficult for me to figure out which bus I should take. No matter where I pinned myself on the map, the app would only show me one bus option (despite me knowing that there are other bus options) – other bus options that I’ve taken before. I began to wonder if there were issues on some of the lines and wandered around trying to decide if I wanted to take the option Google Maps was giving me or trust my gut and go to what would be my normal bus stop. I didn’t trust my gut. The bus was crowded and only got more so when two groups of tourists got on. The driver told them they were on the wrong bus (had the wrong type of pass), but let them on anyway. He then missed my/our stop. The missed stop wasn’t much of an issue for me – the next stop may have been closer to my place anyway – but for some people it took them several blocks furhter than where they had intended to get off.
It was almost 6:30pm by the time I got home – close to 11 hours door to door for the day. I wanted a nap. I ate some leftover pasta and went for my usual neighborhood walk. I dozed off on the sofa while mindlessly scrolling social media. I went to bed early.
During my commute, there were times when I thought I’m too old for this shit. Or maybe more accurately, I felt like an old dog trying to learn new tricks. There were other times when I realized I was paying attention to everything – none of this is routine or automatic. I don’t know, instinctually, where the bus stops are or which routes go where. I have to double and triple check everything because I’m full of doubt that I’m heading the right way… always worried that I’m going to get on the wrong train and have to double back or miss my stop and have to re-calibrate.
At the same time, I almost don’t want to be lulled into automaticity of knowing everything by heart. If I’m dead to the world on the daily commute, I won’t see the guy carrying on his shoulder a slaughtered pig through the Chinatown market in the morning, I’ll avoid eye contact with the dancers on the train, I’ll shrink myself to the space between my phone screen and my craned neck, glazed eyed head – and that seems like an awful (or at least uninteresting) way to move through the world.
Today is day two. I expect to be just as tired – perhaps more so because of the heat. They’re calling for possible 100 degree heat in some parts of the city – and Oakland, where I work, gets hotter than San Francisco.