One year ago today, feeling a little overwhelmed by the changes in my life (the loss of an amazing relationship and about to really leave home for the first time in my life) I started this blog. Technically, I registered the name years before and started it one other time – but I let the…
Category: Writing
Where Do I Go from Here?
I was an English major in college. I was an ok student. I didn’t do very well in the traditional literature classes: Shakespeare, Victorian Novel, British Literature, Colonial Literature, etc. I was a solid B/C student in those classes. Every once in a while I might surprise myself with an A or with a D….
Chewing the Cud
Cows are ruminant animals and must chew their food twice in order to digest it properly. They spend nearly eight hours of their day chewing their cud (food softened by saliva, swallowed, moistened by digestive fluids, and then “regurgitated” back up for a second round of chewing). Mentally, I can be a lot like a…
I Did It
A young boy stood below the first rung at the end of the monkey bars looking up. He’s big for his age. So many kids are. He might be eleven years old, a little over five feet tall and probably about a hundred-and-forty pounds. There are seven or eight wooden exercise stations dotting a half-mile…
Sending Smoke Signals Through the Fog
To say my writing, my attempts to write, my thinking, my attempts to think have been muddled these last few weeks would be an understatement. Clarity of thought and of purpose is elusive. I feel as though I’m sending smoke signals through the fog. Lying in bed, groggy and ignoring the cat, one of my…
Please Allow Me to Introduce Myself
Despite what my 5th grade yearbook says: “In 15 years I will be… ‘A pitcher for the California Angels,’” for much of my childhood I wanted to be a doctor and a writer. My father worked for the government but always defined himself as a scholar (Russian military history). He had his own room in…
THE SMELL OF BURNT TOAST
For a few days now, maybe even the past week or two, I’ve felt a kind of malaise and/or lethargy… perhaps more of spirit than of action. For me it’s been most noticeable in my writing, or lack thereof. It’s been difficult to write every day. Something in the feedback loop feels off. I haven’t…
ON LOSS AND BALANCE
Yesterday was the 5-year anniversary of the passing of my ex-fiancee’s mother. I never met the woman, but in getting to know what I can claim to have known about my ex, and in spending a little time with her family, her mother was a larger-than-life figure and her impact on her family was visible…
SOME THOUGHTS ABOUT VOICE
No matter how loud our voices may get, all arguments begin with silence. I never did get back to the post I was working on yesterday morning. In the various arguments that I have with myself, or ex-friends, or the world at large, or my ex-fiancee, but mostly with myself…. I had punched myself out….
A CONVERGENCE OF SUBJECT AND SELF
In paying attention to mood and self and allowing myself the freedom to drift about, I allow myself to be a little proud of miniature battles hard fought and won. In plain language, I could have easily let the night slip away in to surfing the net, swiping profiles, lamenting circumstances, or any other number…
WRITING AND SLOW REVELATION
I seldom get through reading a few poems, or an essay without wanting to hop on my computer and write something. Similarly, I seldom write something without wanting to take it all back or revise it or clarify. I’m thankful that the collection of essays I’m reading seems to support this behavior, this back and…
THE ORDER OF DISORDER
One reason I’ve started using a notebook / journal is because I often have trouble keeping my thoughts straight. I don’t think I have some brilliant mind… but, while I try to remain humble, I have gradually fallen in love with the way I think and process… which at times sets off a loop of…