Today is Valentine’s Day, again. My friends who work in the restaurant industry are working longer hours today – special dishes and menus, overbooked reservations, and covering shifts for people who want to celebrate. Yesterday, as I walked to the grocery store to get a bottle of wine to go with my solo dinner, I…
Category: Relationships
Thoughts and Readings on Being in a Healthy Relationship
These Last Few Mornings…
Monday morning. After a fitful night of sleep in which I dreamed about being given two abandoned, tamed, and not yet fully grown lions to care for and trying to get someone from animal control to help… a night in which I woke in a tangle of sheets and quilt, I had a quick breakfast…
Falling Out and Politics
Not long ago I had a falling out with a friend. The falling out had been a while in the making. I think it started in early August when a woman he might have, kinda, sorta liked asked me to walk her home. He felt snubbed and sent some drunk angry texts to me: “Fuck…
Things Were Easier Then and I Was More Open
I have a lot of… regrets isn’t quite the word I’m looking for, but it’ll have to do… a lot of regrets about the fact that my last big relationship didn’t work out – which, jeez, was almost six years ago (or as one online calculator tells me 2,156 days, but who’s counting). It’s not…
Content, Yet Wanting More
Saturday It’s mid morning and I have little to show for it. Worse yet, I don’t have a plan for the day. Still tired from a late night (concert followed by the bar), I woke a little before 8am to the sound of the foghorn. After breakfast, I moved to the sofa where I’ve been…
What I’ve Known Influences What I Want
It was while reading a poem that begins with drinking white wine from jade cups in Szechuan China that I tried to imagine different lives, more exotic lives, lives I haven’t lived, lives I may never live. I started to write my own version of it – late-night dinner parties with interesting friends; stars and…
Not Quite Under the Bridge
On my Saturday walk home from the food pantry where I do some work, I made the spur of the moment decision to turn right off of Haight St. and climb the steep hill into Buena Vista Park. Despite having walked past the park dozens of times, I had never ventured in. Not surprisingly, with…
Joe the Dismissive but Jovial Guy
I started talking with Joe because I overheard him debating with the tr*mper sitting between us. When the tr*mper left, I leaned over and said, “you’re not wrong, this is some scary nazi shit that’s going on.” Joe seemed like a nice enough guy, and at least we agreed on politics. Joe is from Canada…
Episode 17: Not a Good Fit
Above the bar, the paper sign yellowed with age read, “Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.” The quote is from the vaudeville comedian and actor, W.C. Fields. The bar, Specs’, is a well-known haunt in the North Beach part of town. It’s often associated with its beatnik neighbors across…
In Search of a Good Beginning
Is my attention on loving,
or is my attention on
who isn’t loving me?
-From “Wellness Check” by Andrea Gibson
Sometimes, I have to remind myself to refocus my attention. The fragment from Gibson’s poem helps with that. Sometimes, I have to remind myself to loosen my ego’s grip on…
This Time, Things Will Be Different
When I deleted my account/dating profile in early January and restarted it two or three weeks later, I was looking for a reset. I had told myself, “this time, I’m going to be more deliberate, more intentional.” For over a year, I had let my profile grow cluttered and weedy with likes and connections that…
Dating Sunday
Today, the first Sunday after New Years, has been dubbed by the dating industry “Dating Sunday.” It’s when the various online dating platforms see a surge in sign ups and subscriptions. I’d be lying if I said I’m impervious to the hint of optimism that comes at this time of year and carries with it…