I’m inching ever closer to a departure date – from my job and from State College. That feels like a bold statement given that I don’t have a job, apartment, or moving company lined up. I think I know where I’m going, but even that is a little up in the air. Last week, my…
Category: Life
The Tuesday Night Cantina
I had, for the most part, cut out my Tuesday night bar night. But yesterday, Tuesday, I got some disappointing and unexpected news: a job that I was told I was the clear front-runner for went to someone else. That seemed like a good enough reason to stop for a pint. A guy I hang…
Sleepless Diagnostics
It’s 3:30 am on a Monday. I don’t sleep well on Sunday nights. In fact, I don’t do well with Sundays in general. Often, they give me feeling of heaviness. If I’m lucky, I’ll spend part of my Sunday morning reading or slowly drinking my coffee, but quite often, I get into a mood where…
Surrender
Last week I surrendered my dog to the shelter where I adopted him. It was difficult. It was heartbreaking. I changed my mind about it a dozen times on the ten-minute drive over to the shelter. At times, I briefly imagined some future cartoonish jailbreak… One in which I bust in to the shelter armed…
A River of Contemplation and Comparison
For all of my talk about being present, and nonduality, and trying to understand (and practice) the basic concepts of Buddhism… for all of the podcasts that I listen to about mindfulness and acceptance… I can be pretty bad at putting it into practice. In certain aspects of life, I’m pretty bad at remaining unattached….
He’s a Good Dog
Permanent. That’s the word that stands out. Or was it permanently? I don’t know exactly what words preceded it, surrender, give her up to Paws. Then the woman on the phone said something like bring any toys or blankets or anything to make her feel comfortable. I don’t correct the woman on the phone about…
July 4: The Best Year Yet
It’s July 4. I grilled a burger. I sat on the deck and drank a beer. That’s as close to the traditional July 4 celebration as I got this year. By 9pm, I was tired, bored, and ready for bed. As I get older, I care less and less for this holiday. The fireworks, while…
A Summer Scene
In the firefly warmth of a summer evening, I stand on the back deck looking for the moon. Backlighting the passing clouds, it hides behind three tall pines. It’s been months since I looked at the stars, though it’s felt like years. A plane slowly winks across the western sky. The bigness of it all…
Weekend Paralysis
Some weekends hit harder than others. This has been one of those harder-hitting weekends. It started on Saturday. It being a general malaise, a heaviness of spirit, a defeated and deflated feeling towards an overwhelming (yet small and inconsequential) world. When it hits, I feel it in the slump of my shoulders. I feel it…
Like Butter
I buy the same brand, and size, of “butter” every time. I buy the 45 oz. tub of Country Crock. Two pounds and thirteen ounces. I put butter in quotes because technically it’s a plant-based spread. There isn’t any particular reason I get this brand – it’s just what I’ve done for years. I suppose…
Swimming Uphill
If anyone wants to know how it’s going, I’m pretty sure I word vomited the phrase “swimming uphill” during a job interview tonight. I’m also pretty sure I may have sounded as coherent as a certain former president when I tried to explain my affinity for the arts (I was interviewing for an arts based…
Smoky Mountain Lemonade
Facebook “memories” reminded me that on this day six years ago, I hiked 15 or 16 miles in the Smoky Mountains. I was down in Tennessee on a long, somewhat spur of the moment road trip that I took to clear my head. I was calling it my blues, brews, and bbq trip. I spent…