As I approach midnight… today (meaning the new day after midnight) marks 40 days on the road. Apologies in advance – most of the times that I say today in this post, I’m actually referencing day 39…
After 40 days, I’m a little exhausted. On the one hand, I’m a tired of the ambiguity and constant planning and have grown anxious to get where I’m going. On the other hand, I’ve felt like the pace has been too fast – and that I could have used more time. Perhaps I should have spent more time in fewer cities. Next time.
I’m not ready to do a full first-week-of-school report on how I spent my summer vacation. For one, the trip isn’t over. I still have Sedona, camping in Joshua Tree, and the drive along the Pacific Coast Highway ahead of me. I’ll also need some time to think about the places I’ve been, the people I’ve met, and what, if any, impact this has had on me, my thinking, and my perspective on what’s important.
Today (meaning day 40), I’ll leave Santa Fe and head six hours west to Sedona. Santa Fe is one of the places where I would have liked to have spent more time. I did a pretty good job of exploring downtown, but I never got out into the mountains. It’s also the type of place where I could see living out a low key bohemian artist lifestyle. But doesn’t everyone envision that when they visit Santa Fe? It’s charming because you’re surrounded by people who have committed to creating art.
On my last night here (day 39), I’ve been sitting on the sofa in my rental unit. It’s still wickedly cold and windy. It’s the type of night where curling up under a blanket might just approach perfection. Aside from grabbing a quick bite to eat for dinner, I took the night off from exploring and bar hopping. I’ve tried to read, but my mind has been a jumble of thoughts – none of which are screaming for my attention but all of which are doing this low-grade head nod of recognition “Dude, what’s up? How’s it goin’? What do think about this?” Here they are…
The Dog
Over the last week or so, I’ve seen a few visits to this blog for the page “Why I’m More of a Cat Person.” In fact, looking at the last two weeks of stats, it has the sixth highest number of page views. I went back and read the post. I wrote it after having had my dog, Kimbrough, for about six months and a day after he was in a pretty bad fight with my neighbor’s dog(s).
The wheels of paranoia started their slow and grinding turn. One of my thoughts was that he has hurt or killed another dog and someone is looking for evidence that he was always dangerous. More realistically, I thought that maybe he had been returned to the shelter and maybe someone from the shelter had looked me up. I worry about him being surrendered again. On occasion, I’ll check the shelter’s website and FB page to see if he’s back. I think I’d be tempted to re-rescue him if that happened.
Being curious, two nights ago (day 38), I checked the shelter’s pages where I found that earlier in the day, they posted a picture of him on FB with the prompt – send us your photos showing why pitties are the best (or something like that). I got worried. Why would you post a photo of a dog that’s no longer at the shelter – especially when there are cute pitties in the shelter? I wrote to the woman I had worked with when I surrendered him. I said I was checking to see if there was any news on how he was doing. She replied and said he’s in a good home.
I am more of a cat person, but I miss the blockhead. I’ve come across a lot of dogs in my travels and a lot of pitties. I’ve had a soft spot for them ever since living with a girlfriend’s pit bull. Sometimes, I really wish I could have brought my guy with me. But I also see how often we would have passed other dogs in our travels and how often other dogs are off leash or some other situation that would have made me worry about his reactivity.
Art
Today (day 39), instead of hiking, I visited the art galleries on Canyon Road. It was nearly impossible to take it all in. Because these were galleries and not museums, I didn’t take any pictures, and there were no placards explaining the pieces, just placards with names, titles, medium, size, and price. At times, I felt bad because I had no intention of buying anything. It’s not that I didn’t see things I liked, but I’m on the road and currently unemployed. I can’t justify dropping a few grand on a painting.
I tried to pay attention to what my eyes were drawn to. Overwhelmingly, I gravitated towards art on a canvas as opposed to sculptures. I like painting and I like mixed media. I like things where the style seems original. I don’t seem to care for paintings of animals – at least not as much as I like the more abstract works. I like things with color – both bright and muted. I like that some artists have a very distinctive style.
When I’m around art, a few different things happen. I’m almost always in a better mood. Walking around Canyon Road, I could feel myself smiling as I left some of the galleries. Around art, I’m almost always in contemplative awe of the process and final product. I imagine these works take hours and days and weeks to create and I’m impressed by the creativity and dedication to pull it off. With the more abstract pieces, I’m always wondering what the artist was seeing that made him or her create what they created. How did they translate what was in their mind on to the canvas? Does it change as they go? Is it a process of discovery? When I’m looking at art, I want to know what that creative process is. I also want to know what their life is like – what else do they make time for and what inspires them? Finally, when I’m around art, I’m usually hit with mixed feelings about my own efforts and limitations. I’ve tried painting a few different times – and there’s this mental block that prevents me from either starting or letting go. These mixed feelings are also about my lack of commitment. I don’t put in the time that other artists put in and I make a lot of excuses for why that is. Other art has a way of inspiring and deflating at the same time.
Planting Roots
While my end destination is the west coast, I’ve started to have doubts about the “for how long” part? Living out of hotel rooms and traveling with only what I can fit in my car has made me less attached to whatever it is I have in the storage container in Pennsylvania. But more than that, I’m beginning to see real merit in trying to live and work more simply in order to pursue a more artistically fulfilling life – one filled with words, music, and beauty – both artistic and natural. As I’ve traveled around and talked to people, I’ve gotten a sense of what their communities are like… and to a certain degree, I’m asking myself the question: why settle for just one? I could easily see myself living in a number of these places or trying out a few different ones. I’m not saying that I want to always be on the move, but I definitely don’t feel as fixed or rooted as I used to feel.
I was engaged to a woman who had moved quite a few times in her life. When we met, my life had been quite the opposite of hers – I had lived my entire life in the Philadelphia area and she had moved close to twenty times and lived in several different cities and towns. We had talked about moving. Asheville was on our list, and I really liked San Diego when we visited. I can’t help but to think she would like it here in Santa Fe. Now, with a few different experiences under my belt (Memphis, State College, and several weeks as a nomad in a handful of different cities), I can see the appeal of wanting to try different places out. I can see how some people begin to feel that life is too short to stay in one place.
After 40 days, I wasn’t expecting to shake my roots loose like this. And this is why I sat on the sofa not reading and not doing much of anything tonight (day 39). My time walking around Canyon Road (and most of this trip in general) has me thinking about the life I want to lead, with whom, and doing what? It’s reaffirmed that I want to be around people who might think that the day I had today (sunshine, reading at a cafe, looking at art) was pretty close to an ideal. I want to be around, and with, people who are up for the adventure and want to treat life like a creative act (not just something to get through as we wait for the next thing). I want to be with, and around, people who are open to new things, who want to grow together and inspire each other. 40 days on the road has brought a little clarity on what I want and has taught me to live a little more freely in pursuit of those things. Soon enough I’ll be back to reality. I’m hoping I return with a more open heart and flexible mind.