I seem to have three mental threads (maybe four) taking up residence with me here in Birmingham. One: I’m overwhelmed by the history here and the battle for civil rights. Two: I may have overstated the reciprocal nature of the connection I made in Charleston. Three: I’m over-thinking the logistics of Arkansas (camping for a few days). Four: I’m still needled by this desire to just get on with it and settle in to whatever it is I plan to settle in to (somewhat related to number two).
The streets at night in Birmingham are empty. In this respect, it reminds me a little of Memphis. It’s strange to have the infrastructure of a city with none of the usage. Birmingham has steadily lost residents over the years, and it’s hard to imagine how bustling this place once was. I’ve seen photos of city streets packed with people. It is a ghost town at night with wide open streets and no foot or car traffic.
The history here is important. I learned yesterday that most things are closed on Monday… so I did my own walking tour of civil rights stops. They have plenty of signs around the city to read. Today I spent a few hours at the Birmingham Civil Rights Institute where the tour starts with images from the Civil War… Right away, I was struck by how asinine a concept it was for the south to go to war in order to keep people enslaved. Time and time again, people and cities (especially in the south) did whatever they could to deny black people their basic rights. This isn’t ancient history. This happened in my parents’ lifetime. Touring Birmingham and the Civil Rights Institute, I could see why so much of today’s rhetoric from the right is problematic. Quite often it rings with the same language and tone that was used by southern whites to keep black people oppressed.
I felt no shortage of guilt and shame and discomfort as I walked around and looked at pictures of black men hanging from trees as white people gathered around like it was a party on a Friday night. Those feelings of guilt and shame seem to be what some politicians want to avoid as they try to change curricula and fight against critical race theory and the “wokeness” in education. I can only say that I hope more people come to Birmingham and feel the power of the struggle that took place here. It’s nothing short of chilling and inspiring.
While it’s only been a day or two, my intuition tells me that the connection with my friend in Charleston may have been more one-sided than I expected, or read, or was led to believe. It appeared as though we both had this sense of, “wow, that was different… what do we do about it?” We mutually said we were trying to process what just happened. But since my departure, I haven’t heard much, and more importantly, opportunities to reciprocate interest through conversation have gone mostly unmet. How this looks in real life is I might say something like “Hey how’s it going… was thinking about you over lunch and…” and the response will be a matter of fact list of what they’ve been doing with no mention of any instances of having thought of me. While there were promises on both sides to stay in touch, I have my doubts. The challenge, going forward, is to not add it to the ledger of evidence that sometimes people say things they don’t really mean. None of this diminishes the experience. I’m grateful to have crossed paths with this woman and feel better for it. I’m open to whatever future connection we may have.
Tomorrow, I leave for Arkansas where I plan to spend a few days camping in “tent city” and going to an all-day blues festival that lasts several days. I don’t know how early they open up the campsite or how many people they expect. I don’t really have a backup plan if it doesn’t work. The festival doesn’t kick in to high gear until Thursday, so I’m expecting tomorrow to be quiet. If it’s a disaster, I suppose I could eat the cost of the ticket and move on. I have a friend in Memphis who is willing to meet up and catch up and I have a friend in St. Louis who has offered to host me for a few days.
I still have lots of other stops that I’m considering, but the desire to get settled is gradually growing. It’s been a little over a week since I left, yet it feels like it’s been much longer. And despite my best efforts, I’m still spending way too much time on my phone planning my next meal, stop, or activity to really take things in or to sit and read or write or reflect. Complicating all of this (or perhaps rushing it) is the fact that I’m moving (eventually) so as to “start a new life” and position myself to meet someone new. I was caught a little off guard by meeting someone interesting along the way – someone who I would have happily spent more time getting to know. This has had the effect of “proving” those connections are out there – which makes me want to get on with it as though I might be missing other opportunities by screwing around with this road trip or not staying in one sport for very long.
That’s all I got for now. Tomorrow, Arkansas.