After a full day of travel (3+ hours in the car and close to 7 hours on a plane), I arrived in San Francisco Saturday night. I had just enough time to check in to my hotel and Uber my way over to Oakland for a dinner date. We hit it off well, and had a good conversation. We walked to her car arm in arm which was nice and agreed to meet up again. It was one of those authentic connections that had a glowing sparkle in the eye quality to it. I walked around the city for a little bit afterwards then headed back across the bay to my hotel. It was a crazy long day in which I was awake for about 21 hours and not tired. When she and I texted the next day, she realized that we probably want different things. She’s looking to move out of the city, I’m looking to move into the city. She’d like kids, and I’m probably done with that phase of life. I admire her for knowing what she wants and for being the one to point out the differences. I probably would have gone out a few more times – before getting to that point. It’s an approach that sometimes gets emotionally messier than it should.
Moving out of the city is a theme I’ve heard frequently in the few days I’ve been here. A month or two ago, the Times ran an article about how downtown San Francisco is becoming a ghost town. My Uber driver on the way to Oakland said he loves the city, but it was better before… he didn’t know me or my affiliations, so I filled in the gap for him: before the tech bros took over? He said yeah, money and the pandemic changed things a lot. Once the big tech companies allowed people to work remotely, lots of people moved out of the city. Because they made good money and because the housing market has taken a hit, some people who bought recently are thinking of keeping their places as rentals so as not to take losses. The housing market here and cost of living is rough. Which is essentially what the Times had said. The market has priced out all of the people who are needed in the service industries or people who might pursue the arts.
People are also moving out because they say the homelessness problem and the drug problems are getting worse. I’ve heard several stories about people shooting up in plain daylight, on the train, wherever they want. All of this could pose a major problem for the city (though I get the sense this is happening in lots of cities). We may be on the verge of another white flight in which the financially well-off (mostly white people) flee cities for the safer neighborhoods of the suburbs. The loss in tax revenue creates a downward spiral for anything that relies on tax dollars (policing, schooling, infrastructure). When this has happened in the past, it gutted city schools and city infrastructure.
I’ve seen quite a bit of homelessness as I’ve walked around. But I saw that in Philly and Memphis too. The only things that seems noticeably different about the homeless situation here is the encampments down side alleys (4 or 5 tents and tarps set up) and the demeanor of the homeless. I had talked to a few different homeless people in Memphis, and I usually made eye contact to acknowledge them. The homeless here seem more huddled and less approachable. Aside from quite a bit of pot smoke, I haven’t seen the drug use other people have talked about. I have a lot more exploring to do – I suspect that will change.
Despite these issues, I’m not entirely deterred from the prospect of living here – though I always seem to be a year or two behind trends and lacking the resources to adjust and move quickly. I think it would be a shame if people continue to move out and the cities (San Francisco and Oakland) lose their vibrancy. Places like Mill Valley, Walnut Creek, and Livermore are attracting a lot of interest and I’ve heard a few people talking about wanting to move to Marin or Sonoma County. The woman I met would like to move to Petaluma.
It’s been hard to process my feelings about being out here. To some degree, my explorations have been hampered by a few days of rain (I don’t have a car and am walking most places). And, despite my best efforts, I’m still here as a tourist… doing touristy things – mostly looking for those secret gem restaurants that the locals love. I’m aware of how limited my time is, which makes me feel like I need to be out in the world trying new things and checking out new places every minute of every day. That’s just not the reality of living somewhere. Life is different when there’s a commute and you have to get groceries and you settle into different routines. Even going out on a few dates is very different. When there’s no timeline for a transition, the best we can do is have a nice night out with no promise of next steps to drive us forward. Ultimately, what I think I’m struggling to process was that maybe I was expecting a hit me over the head ah-ha moment and my first experience was one of those bittersweet moments- lovely, but fleeting.