For the first time in my life, I was not with family during Thanksgiving. For the first time in my life (other than when I was a baby, I’m guessing), I did not have turkey on Thanksgiving. For the first time I can remember there wasn’t a TV with football on in another room on Thanksgiving. This was a very different holiday, for sure.
Tonight, one of my friends invited me to a friends-giving type of dinner. There were about 13 of us there – it was hosted by the lesbian couple I met the other night and mentioned in my post A Quiet Type of Comfort. Not surprisingly, the house had lots of charm. It was the perfect blend of home and quirk and elements of a well-lived and warm life. There were young families and children, food, and wine, and good conversations. It was a mix of people with lots of different experiences. It was a really nice way to spend the evening, and it kept me from thinking of my ex-fiancee spending Thanksgiving with the new family she is building. In some instances, I’d say it would be exactly how I would want to spend Thanksgiving if I didn’t have family obligations. I love my family. I love Thanksgiving with my family. I would have liked to do something like this instead of always doing the family thing.
It was hard to not think that my ex would have absolutely loved this group and this Thanksgiving. It may not have been “home” but there was a comfort among strangers quality that had its own sense of warmth and acceptance. I sometimes think this is the life she and I dreamed of when we talked about moving away together. While I’m sad she isn’t with me to share in this life, I felt a little ok about pursuing it on my own – another step towards being the person I want to find…. living the life she and I would have wanted to live, except on my own.