An old friend of mine co-produces a podcast called The Control Variable. It’s primarily about how Americans have been manipulated into believing conspiracy theories and eventually attacked the Capitol. They’ve released four episodes so far. This morning, while on the treadmill, I listed to episode four. Enjoy isn’t quite the right word I would use to describe my experience… I think the podcast is doing good work. I think the attempt to understand how we got where we are is important if we are to have continued hope for our democratic institutions. But every time I listen, I end up feeling despondent… I end up feeling like the differences are irreconcilable…. I end up feeling like the situation may be hopeless.
Episode four was about cults – specifically QAnon. As all of the episodes have done so far, they interviewed a handful of experts and historians as well as people with lived experience. In examining cults, they turned to the Crusades for some historical context on the antisemitism present in the Q crowd as well as this notion the liberal elites are drinking children’s blood as some part of a satanic ritual. People participating in the various Q gatherings have co-opted Medieval symbols and adopted the slogan from the first crusade, Deus vult (God wills it). With polls suggesting that followers of Q range from 4% to 15% of the population, it’s scary to think that over 13 million people have joined this movement – some of them armed and some of them convinced they are doing God’s work.
Towards the end of the episode, the host talked about how the Q movement is fractured in much of its ideology. It has the faction that believes liberals are satanists, it has a faction that is anti-vax which includes a number of health-conscious yoga folks, it has the typical anti-government don’t tread on me sentiments, along with plenty of other fringe groups. As the episode talked about the task of deprogramming members, it stressed the importance of understanding as opposed to ridiculing. If we allow for the possibility that anyone can fall prey to a cult-like mindset, we have a chance of breaking the cult’s hold on people. As a person who believes deeply in the power of compassion, I’m struggling with this. I find it hard to have empathy towards people who have shown they are willing to use violence as a political tool. More than anything, not only am I struggling to understand where these people are coming from, I’m finding that I don’t want to understand.
At the very end of the episode they interviewed a woman who was anti-vax and a Q believer. She’s since left the movement and gotten vaccinated, but it’s ruined her marriage and all of her friendships. That, to me, was the gut punch. People’s lives are being ruined over this. On a spiritual level, I can accept that ugliness and hate may be necessary parts of the human condition… but anymore, I’m tired of excusing hatred. I feel that I want to see less of it or at the very least I need to see more examples of its opposite. If I lean towards Buddhism, it’s because I need to force myself to see the good in nature and sunsets and poetry as a way to combat the less-than-good I see everywhere else.
I’m not alone in this desire to want to self-select, or isolate, or swaddle myself in my own ideology. For some time, people have been finding ways to separate from “the others” through dating, marriage, and geography. I was married to a republican – we were reasonable and got along. I’m not sure I could date one now. People are also moving to places that align with their core values. As a recent NPR report put it, “red ZIP codes are getting redder and blue ZIP codes are becoming bluer.” We’re building our own echo chambers. I can’t imagine this is good for political discourse. I live and work in a pretty red part of Pennsylvania. I moved here from a blue enclave in a deep red state. A year ago, I got a taste of the political landscape when a community member “reported me” to my board after I posted on my Facebook page my shock about Jan. 6 (confederate flag and gallows at the Capitol) and my utter disappointment in Trump’s response of “we love you, you’re very special.” While my board had no issues with my statements, one board member suggested that I be more careful/mindful or that a person in my position should know better. As NBC 10 and other news outlets recently reported, “some Democrats in rural Pennsylvania are afraid to tell you they’re Democrats….. ‘The hatred for Democrats is just unbelievable,’ said Tim Holohan, an accountant based in rural McKean County who recently encouraged his daughter to get rid of a pro-Joe Biden bumper sticker. ‘I feel like we’re on the run.'” And maybe as a “public figure,” I should know better, but it’s difficult to accept that reasoning when the former guy bragged “I could stand in the middle of Fifth Avenue and shoot somebody and I wouldn’t lose voters,” and “I don’t even wait. And when you’re a star, they let you do it. You can do anything. … Grab ’em by the pussy. You can do anything.”
If I’m struggling to find compassion, it’s because I don’t want to appease or condone this type of behavior. And quite honestly, I don’t know what to do about it. For a while, I avoided the news and Facebook and political commentary. But in doing so, I deny part of who I am. I don’t want to have to bury my head in the sand to have a little peace of mind. And I think what bothers me the most is that I feel like a hypocrite for not finding the compassion. It would be so much easier to dismiss and demonize “the other” – I see my father do it all the time. But I don’t believe that gets us where we need to go. And more often than not, I feel we’re losing our collective sense of direction. How can we get “there” if we can’t agree on where we’re going? The landscape has changed and all the maps are wrong.