I’m convinced that my timing is worse than what most people experience. I wish I could say it was part of my aw shucks, hapless sap type of charm… a Charlie Brown lovable loser vibe… but some days it feels less charming and more loser-like than others. My ex-wife used to call me yellow-light Matt – I had a knack for catching almost every yellow light (and even more of them if we were in a hurry). It was as if the cosmos knew when I approached an intersection. And while the light technically means proceed with caution – that’s not what people do. They either rush through (without caution) or come to a stop (not exactly proceeding). In life, I feel like I am often caught in this space between rushing forward or coming to stop. And as much as I like to see myself as a throw caution to the wind type of spirit, I usually act out of an abundance of caution and stop.
The other morning, like many mornings, I was waiting for the darkness to lift so that I could take the dog on a walk. I had about twenty minutes before it would get light out. I sat at the table, drinking coffee and writing. That’s when I heard the rain start. It was a Monday, in the upper 30s, damp, and raining. Which seems about as bad as it could get. I checked the weather. It was going to rain for about an hour or two – the hour or two that I had set aside for walking the dog and driving into work.
Script for a Short, Animated Film
A man walks his dog. He stops for a few minutes because he sees a car about to back out of a driveway. He waits. He waits a little longer. Taps his foot. Waits a little longer. Seeing no movement, he and the dog continue walking. When they get to the driveway, the car starts to back out. In a different scene, the man is sitting at a table working on his computer. Next to him is an ad for a big sale on technology at the local big box store. This scene repeats for a few days and then his computer dies – little cartoon smoke curlicues rising from the monitor and keyboard. He remembers the sale and drives to the big box store. The parking lot is full, the store is crowded and frenzied – it’s the holidays. There’s a long line of people waiting to check out – everyone has TVs and laptops in their carts. He looks resigned – he knows what’s coming but walks to the computer aisle anyway. The shelves are empty and disheveled – some of them broken and crooked. He hangs his head and walks out. In another scene, he’s out driving. He comes to a yellow light and stops – everyone else goes through. He comes to another yellow light and stops – everyone else goes through and the man in the car behind him is upset that he stopped – he sees double middle fingers in the rear view. He comes to another yellow light and stops – everyone else goes through. He comes to yet another yellow light and drives through – nobody is around. A few seconds later he gets pulled over for running a red. In another scene on a nice weekend he decides to go for a hike to see the leaves. It’s peak time for fall foliage. He hikes and hikes and hikes and climbs and climbs. He gets to the top takes a deep breath, he’s arrived, it’s beautiful. He reaches in his bag for his camera and just as he’s distracted, a strong wind blows and all the leaves come down at once – all but one that dangles and then falls. In the redemption scene he goes to a bar where they have a special beer on tap – very rare, limited time only – a once a year type of opportunity. He orders and learns that they’re sold out. A few seconds later a woman rushes in, sits down near him – she’s excited and has been waiting for weeks for this. She orders and also learns that they’re sold out. They look at each other, shrug and start a conversation. Timing is everything.
The script itself isn’t terribly good – though I think it works because the sentiment is universal enough. We’ve all felt this sense that our timing is out of sync with the rest of the world…. Like we could be driving for miles with nobody else on the road and the exact moment we approach a lone stop sign in the dusty middle of nowhere and are ready to proceed through, another car comes wooshing through nearly causing an accident. The script would need a decent animator who could capture that blend of emotion that is sad, pathetic, hopeless, yet funny. It probably also needs a better writer who could do the same….
It wasn’t just the timing of the morning rain and the need to walk the dog that got me thinking about hapless circumstance. I was still a little ticked that I fretted all weekend about whether or not to get a new car only to throw money at the problem and not have it fixed. I felt rushed by the need to make a decision before driving a few hundred miles for the holiday. I seesawed back and forth between “I deserve a new car – it’s been over ten years and nothing works” and “but, for the most part, the car runs and keeping it is cheaper than a new payment.” The money on either side of the equation (repair vs. new) is/was an annoyance… but we all have unexpected expenses. It was the combination of money and lost time and general circumstances that was really bugging me about the situation – a consumer-induced type of anxiety. The notion that there were no clear and good choices and the light was turning yellow. I didn’t want to rush into buying something that I didn’t like and I couldn’t possibly know how many more repairs were on the horizon.
In the moment of decision on Saturday morning, my choices felt like rush through or just stop. And more and more as I get older, I hate being rushed. It reminded me of when my ex-wife and I were buying a house during the peak of the last housing bubble – houses were moving quickly and as buyers, we had to move quickly too… or that time that my computer died right around the holidays – it was difficult to find anything in stock and I needed to get a new computer (I worked from home as a consultant). Scarcity creates a sense of urgency. It creates an unnecessary sense of competition and hyper-consumerism. As I was researching new cars, I came across one dealership that placed sale pending tags on almost all of their inventory. And while I suspected that was a salesman ploy to create panic buying, I began to resent the whole process. This is how people get trampled in stores and why they get in to fights over Cabbage Patch Kids. I am, at times, anti-consumerism, and I was resenting the fact that I might have to participate in a major purchase when prices and buying and frenzy are at their worst. And so, as I approached the yellow light – not really wanting to keep up with the traffic, I did what I often do – I stopped. I just didn’t expect the car to sputter and stall out on me.