I can see my breath in the morning chill. The temperatures are in the upper 40s and I’m thinking about how I’m not ready for the cold. I’ve already noticed how much less time in the light I have for things like dog walks, trips to the park, and runs. Oddly, when I think about shorter daylight and how it makes the work day feel longer (going to work in the dark and coming home in the dark), I almost always think about my time in the city/cities… Newark, New York, and Philly. From Newark, I really only remember the tinted windows of my office – how they colored the world in sepia and made it difficult to tell when night began to fall. In New York, I can remember the brisk walk to the train station, the night-glow of the city streets, the traffic and crowds at every street corner – cold and bundled and waiting to cross. From Philly, it was the walk with the dog, the grasses she chewed near the churchyard, the slight downhill slide of 24th street as I made my way to the neighborhood pub on Fairmount, the corner streetlights and awnings.
Maybe it was the cool of morning or maybe it was the hangover of a long and slow Friday night playlist, but yesterday was a struggle. I couldn’t decide what I wanted to do. I hated the idea of spending a really nice fall day inside, but I wasn’t motivated to go anywhere or do anything. It was another football Saturday. I wasn’t up for going to the game. At times, especially on game weekends, I feel trapped here. Traffic can be pretty bad – bad enough that it discourages me from leaving town… and if I’m not caught up in going to the game or the bars, then there isn’t much else to do. I tried to exercise and did a half-assed job of it. I thought about cleaning and instead wandered around the house looking at all of my “stuff” thinking I should get rid of some things. Why do I have this many towels? I can probably get rid of the cat stuff. A year later, and there are still lots of things in boxes from the move. Fall is a season of nesting, of pulling things closer, gathering resources to bring comfort through the winter. That was what I was feeling yesterday. It felt heavy and I wasn’t sure how to go about it.
It’s still ealry-ish now. The sun is bright on the back deck. I’ll throw on a hoodie and read for a bit, maybe have a little more coffee and watch the steam rise from the mug. I’ll try to keep the work-related thoughts at bay (the budget, the marketing collateral, the meetings and committees) – though they’ve already encroached a few times (Sunday scaries). Today I have a plan… groceries and a run and maybe a little after lunch the art museum on campus.