One year ago today my sweet little cat, Paris, died. I sat with her in her dying moments. It was an awful night. She’s been on my mind on and off throughout the day. She was a pain in the ass, bossy when she wanted to be fed, petulant at times, but also as friendly a cat as you could ask for. It’s amazing how our pets become family. I’m giving Nick the cat a little extra love and head scratches.
Yesterday a friend posted some pictures of her engagement. Her boyfriend did the whole down on one knee on the beach. She looks so light and happy. I found myself feeling happy for her and kinda pissed at my ex-fiancee for just walking out the way she did. I wanted to tell her off – tell her that she has every right to pursue her own happiness or misery, but she had no right to take away my happiness or make promises she couldn’t keep. Most days I’m at a point of acceptance where I can say it doesn’t matter if she meant it or not, I meant it and that’s enough. That wasn’t where I was yesterday. Tonight as I scrolled through photos looking for the pictures of Paris, I saw pictures from previous years at Penn State, photos of my ex-friend Jen, pictures from when I went out to listen to blues – snapshots of my life over the past four years. My life looks nothing like that now. In a world of perpetual linear forward progress, I feel like I’m heading in the wrong direction.
I’m still working on building up a portfolio of freelance writing and editing work – one gig at a time. Today I was hired to help with a eulogy. I was sent a one and a half page document from either the son or daughter of a California man who passed from COVID. He was from Laos where he fought the soviets for the CIA and rescued his family and brought them to America. He became a movie producer documenting the lives and culture of the Hmong people. It sounds like he was a warm man and an inspiration to his community. I felt honored that the family entrusted me to help tell his story. On and off over the years, I’ve had people tell me that I have a gift with words. It feels good to be putting what talents I have to use for other people. Of course not all projects are as touching as that. I also worked on a letter from the board of trustees of a condo association explaining why the elevator is out of service and what needs to be done, how much it will cost, and how long it will take. I’m being considered to edit a book on dating, a few letters for a newspaper to win back subscribers, editing a business book on product management, and writing content for a therpist’s website.
Between the freelance work and interviewing and looking for jobs, I’ve spent less time on my own writing or reading. I have not picked up Eat, Pray, Love in a few days. Because the freelance gigs tend to be posted throughout the day, I have to keep an eye on that as I try to do other things. I’ve gotten use to a different pace and more thoughtful way of living. I’m going to miss it.
Las night I started texting with a woman out in the Seattle area. I’m interviewing for a job out that way and so I figured I’d check things out by setting my dating profile location out there. She reached out. She’s cute and seems sweet – the red hair is a bonus. If I go out for an in person interview, or end up taking the job, we’ve agreed to go out for dinner and drinks. Today she got stuck in a 6pm meeting and didn’t seem to care too much for having to work late. She said it went well but was exhausting and thankfully she doesn’t have too many days like this. I’ve said it elsewhere on this blog, the world of work doesn’t care that it exhausts us. In the end nobody is going to include that meeting that ran late and made you miss a friend’s anniversary party in the eulogy.
That’s what counts for a blog post today. Signing off to spend a few minutes remembering the little gray cat that meowed at us from her cage in the pet store, who often sat curled up like bun, who stood on her hind legs and put her paws on my hand as part of her circus kitty routine, who zoomed around the house jumping on and over Nick, and who left unexpectedly one year ago today.