I’ve seen an unusual change in my writing this past week or so. For one, web stats have shown that some people have actually read my blog – cool an audience (reach out and say hello – and also what a weird thing… the writer’s ego). Because people have read, I’m doing much more writing. The more I do the easier it’s getting. I’m also doing a lot more editing – going back to old posts, fixing typos, and adding some thoughts here and there. I’m finding that I could probably spend entire days doing some of this. I’m now writing (usually composing offline) in the morning, during breaks, when I get home from work, and before bed. Is this the life my ex-fiancee, B, and I could have settled in to? Retreating to our corners to pursue writing? Is this a new me emerging?
Another thing that is now surprising me is that I’m seeing my writing take shape and emerge before me. I’m seeing myself start out with one idea, and feeling how it shifts, sometimes to something completely different. As if I want to write about x, but y emerges. I’ve been working on a post about being seen and being heard and what it feels like to be denied those very important things…. And as I’m writing it, part way through one of my typical preambles, the topic is shifting to how we are sometimes ashamed of our past experiences/relationships – not because they were bad but because we don’t want to hurt our current partner. In fact, just now, I had to cut off the next two paragraphs because they started to explore that topic again – when this was meant to be a short post about how form and subject emerge…. Stopping here before I go down yet another path (I’ll go down that path, but it doesn’t belong in this post).