Sorry for the odd title, I couldn’t come up with anything.
Some days, like today, a little after lunch and part way through the cup of coffee I drink out of habit, comfort, and in an attempt to keep me awake, I curl up on the sofa and nap. I’ve never been much of a napper. I’ve typically powered my way through. If anything, I think I’ve had disdain for naps – never understood those people who described them as glorious. I’m starting to appreciate them more (the naps, not necessarily the people). Enough so that I worry a little about not having the luxury of time when I go back to work (time for all of the things I enjoy). For a few years now, I’ve been saying I wish I could retire… I moved down south (partially) to have a slower pace of life. It seems a shame that we give some of the best years of our life to earning money hoping that it might buy us freedom later.
The naps might be necessitated by my sleep patterns. More often than not, I don’t sleep very well. I wake up a few times in the night. Sometimes, it’s hard for me to fall back asleep. Last night was no exception. I had a strange dream that woke me up. Lots of people are having them these days – just google strange dreams and coronavirus and you’ll see articles from Wired, The New York Times, CNBC, Time Magazine…. I haven’t read any of them (yet).
In my dream, it was as if I was trapped in a video game… I had done some combination of activities that opened a square hole in the floor of a lawn that I was standing on. I went in and the hole closed behind me like a door. The inside was a continuously shifting room of red, purple, and black stripes and lights – constantly spinning and moving so that I couldn’t find my way back out… The dream jump cut to me being outside again and watching a jumbo jet fly overhead – low as though it had just taken off from behind me. There was a large outline of an acoustic guitar painted in a sea-foam green on the bottom of the plane and the name on the side of the plane in blue lettering was Kendall Johnson (not a real person that I know of, but in the dream a famous musician escaping…) The dream once again jump cut to being in or near a house that was a little like a cartoon house or gingerbread house. Nick, my cat, was with me, and we couldn’t get out of this strange video game like world. The only way to escape was to destroy it. I set the corners of the house on fire. The flames started to surrounded us. I could see a way out, but Nick smelling the smoke and feeling the warm wind of the fire but not being able to see (he’s partially blind) got low to the ground and wouldn’t move – he was stoically giving up and wouldn’t come with me. I couldn’t leave him there. This is when I woke up.
Just writing that made me incredibly sad about the thought of losing my buddy. I sat in bed for a few minutes – a little in shock. My neighbors went running down the hall, making lots of noise. I got up, came out to the sofa, and spent a some time curled up with Nick. He’s fine and as lovable as ever.
I woke up at least one more time before getting up around 6:30 this morning – Nick was hungry and I was more than happy to give him anything he wanted. After breakfast, I read more of the Robert Hass book. I had read some of it before – I came across a movie ticket from 1998 (Saving Privat is what the ticket says) being used as a bookmark. The Hass book, for me is expansive, by which I mean I’m seeing a different way to write poetry and tell stories. Feeling inspired, I sat down to write a poem called “First Kiss.” I might turn it in to a series of poems with that name – after all, there are a lifetime of first kisses.
I went for a decent run – a little over four miles and an average pace of 8:34/mile. I might have another video chat with friends tonight, might go for a walk, and I need to apply to a few jobs so that I can do the things I want to do in life (and also apply and/or collect unemployment) 😉 I sense a blog post on what that looks like and means for me these days. For now, I’ll post my post run selfie, my shaggy hair and social distancing t-shirt (that’s a sad cactus wanting hugz), and my bud, Nick.
