This past weekend, I flew home to get my car. After more than a few frustrating setbacks in trying to get out of Memphis (couldn’t get a LYFT/Uber/Taxi, pouring rain, rat ran across my shoe, got to gate just in time, plane had mechanical issues and flight was cancelled, etc.) I got home, packed the last few things I owned, and said goodbye to my home of the last 13 years. It was sad to drive away from the neighborhood. I miss some of it already. Today only adds to the emotion. A young couple became first-time home owners with the purchase of my house. I’m happy for them – I’m sad for me.
And while my mind is on a number of sad things, I intended this post to be about having a car in Memphis. Today was the first day that I really drove in the city. Traffic is surprisingly light, though the drivers are a bit insane (hard to say how it compares to back home). As I drove around with google maps telling me where to turn, I started to think about how it will take me a while to learn these streets. I thought about the number of repetitions required to know how to get from here to there and back again. I thought about the mental space such tasks eat up, the anxiety of not knowing where you are. Of course I thought about B. I thought about how she hadn’t explored much of Philly until she and I started dating. I thought about the time she got lost in Trenton trying to donate towels to an animal shelter. I thought about how she would talk about being a fish brain, but when really what I think was going on was that she had lots of other things on her mind. Such a complicated and beautiful mind – so much I didn’t get to know about her….
After driving to a morning meeting and then to the office, and eventually home…. I decided to venture out to a neighborhood I had been meaning to check out (Overton Square). It’s a cool place with restaurants and bars. In terms of driving, it’s an easy straight shot from my apartment. On my way back I decided to stop at a grocery store to load up – another first for me here in Memphis. Again, I gave consideration to the newness of everything. The aisles were all different, the food looked different (packaging), the checkout was different.
I can’t remember a time in my life when so many things were new. When small challenges lurked in what most people consider everyday routines.
With a car, my world has expanded a bit more. Getting in it and going will require me to challenge myself to move away from what I know. I will be perpetually uncomfortable. I’m not sure how I feel about that.