Thursday. I woke up feeling like death. The cold I had been hoping was just a small case of the sniffles had blossomed. Headache, soreness, slight fever. I didn’t sleep well. For much of the night, I couldn’t breath. Despite feeling like crap, I opened the blinds and gave thanks for the sunshine before giving thanks for the more mundane things – coffee in the morning, a box of tissues at the end of the sofa, the throw blanket around my shoulders.
Aside from a few walks here and there, and one longer walk back from the post office in the Haight where I had to pick up some checks for the food pantry I run, I’ve been holed up in my apartment since Sunday. I canceled a hike and turned down two invites to film screenings. No bar, no socializing, no sitting on benches, no stopping in at bookstores. When I saw people I knew on the street, I said hi from a distance. To fill the void, I’ve relied heavily on my Bluesky feed. As much as I hate social media, I’ve gotten my feed to the point where the “Discover” tab is almost all poetry, pictures of cats, pictures of sunsets and sunrises, and pictures of visual art (mostly paintings and photography). This is what Twitter used to be before it was bought and turned into the cesspool that it currently is. The non Discover tab, the “Following” tab is almost all political news with a few of those other things (art, poetry, etc.) sprinkled in. I’m tired of our political climate. I gave thanks for the Bluesky feed.
Aside from some of my work work, I spent part of my day, these last two days, dreaming about owning a bar. It wasn’t so much dreaming, but more trying to figure out the logistics and finances to see if I could pull it off. There’s one for sale not too far from where I live. I saw a sign in the window on my walk home. I reached out to the broker who sent over the financials. I spent a few hours looking up things like costs of licenses, how to form an LLC, and doing competitive research on the neighborhood. Their current financials aren’t great, but I think they operated it as a hobbie so that they could play music there. They have a tribute band. Given that it has a strange concept that I would certainly change, and that they have very limited hours of operation (under 20 a week), I think it has upside potential. Had I not felt like crap, I’d have gone out during business hours to check it out. If my curiosity lasts longer than my cold, I’ll still check it out.
On and off throughout my adult life, I’ve thought of owning a bar. I once tried to get in on the ground floor with a group that was opening a brew pub in my hometown. I once looked at a bar that was for sale in New Hope, Pennsylvania – which is a very vibrant bar heavy town. Were it not for the high cost of rent and the fact that the place was run down, it might have been a license to print money. If I were to go for this particular bar, I’d try to keep some of the live music nights. I’ve always liked the idea of creating community spaces – especially if they’re tied to art or music.
While the idea of owning and running a bar kinda excites me, I’ve had moments where I’ve thought, “Really? You’re gonna run a bar. never take time off or get to go anywhere. There have to be easier ways to earn a living. And it’s probably not going to help me land a partner (though I might meet lots of new people).” I know one bar owner and two restaurant owners. That’s what gives me pause. Do I want that life? The flip side is that I think it would be interesting and maybe even give me fodder and/or time to write. I think it could be the type of story that if it doesn’t ruin me could make for a cool obituary. He was an editor, ran a few nonprofits, owned a bar… At least I wasn’t boring.
This is what happens when I have too much time on my hands and a limited capacity to read (headaches). Not only do I research profit margins and try to write up a profit and loss statement, but I begin to think about unit costs and staffing and marketing strategies. Tuesday bluesday, Wednesday is industry night, Sunday jazz. I’ll begin to wonder if my current bar friends will come by and support me. It’s not in the neighborhood, and it’s over a hill which might make it a bit too far for them.
I set the half-fantasy aside and went for a walk under the last full moon of the year. The cool air cleared my sinuses – but only as long as I was outside. Back in my apartment, I felt like crap again. I’ll probably get a wellness check in the form of a text from my bartender friend. He saw me walking down the street the other day but I haven’t stopped in all week. I’d love to focus on something somewhat productive, but pretty sure that between the headache and trying to breath through the congestion, I’m relegated to the sofa, scrolling Bluesky and entertaining my occasional delusions.