I suppose I’m more of a morning person than a night person. Unless, of course, I haven’t slept well – then I’m not much of a morning person either. Or, if I stay out late – in which case I suppose I’m a night person. For the better part of the past year, I’ve been an I’ll go to bed when I want and wake up when I want person. I’m trying to change that. It’s kind of messing me up.
Yesterday, upon waking, I repeated to myself the phrase, I’m thirsty for more sleep. It was 5am. I felt exhausted. I had gone to bed at a reasonable time – I was just tired. I felt almost as tired this morning. For the past two nights, I can recall waking up several times throughout the night. Last night I tried to go to sleep at 9. I woke up every hour until about 1, then again at 3 and 4:30.
I’m getting up early because I have things I need to do. Unfortunately, I’m learning that being tired is not particularly conducive to getting those things done. This will even out – I’m sure.
19 out of 20 ain’t bad
The other day, I was scrolling through social media on my dumbphone when I came across one of those lists… 20 things happy couples do. Except the title wasn’t that cogent and read more like a bad translation from English: “Rule of Happy Couples” Apologies for the crappy screenshot.
While I’ve gone out with plenty of people, and I’ve had a few relationships of varying lengths and intensities, there have been only three or four relationships (in my life) where we were both committed to this idea of being a couple. Sadly, or perhaps understandably, I didn’t put much thought into what success as couple looked like until I was in my forties and divorced. Sadly, far too often, experience tends to be the thing that shakes us up and wakes us up. It is both the best and worst teacher. As such, only one or two of those relationships – the one or two post-divorce relationships I’ve had – tend to be judged by the infinite wisdom and heavy hammer of truth found on internet lists and memes. The other relationships are too old and I was too young and dumb to know any better.
I can’t speak for my partners in those post-divorce relationships, but when I reviewed the list, I was a little proud to have regularly practiced 19 out of the 20 rules (though I failed spectacularly on rule 9 – giving space). At my best, I was good at more than a few of the “rules” – and even when I wasn’t great, I was always trying to be better.
I love that laughter is the first one on the list – and when I think back, it was one of the things that made the memorable first dates stand out: a combination of warmth, authenticity, laughter, and connection. I also like the idea of thoughtful surprises, not raising one’s voice, having each other’s back, and working through problems.
And since I’m going through screenshots on my phone pitched as wise relationship advice or disguised as poetry or prose poems or just lists…
So here’s to the many compromises, to trees with that special shimmer, to patience, to texts that ask how we’re doing, to looking at the moon and hugs from behind, to laughing together, and to a good night’s sleep.